Stalking Debo

Phone Pics of the Week

2010-02-04T07:18:00.001-08:00

Sledding with Noz and Erica

"What's all this white stuff?"

Mall Dress-up with Sam

--Debo

The most wonderful time of the year

2009-11-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

Do you want smart people to run your schools? Like your garbage to be picked up on time? Prefer Franklin Street to actually have stores that are, you know, in business? The Nov. 3 Election is for you!

Step 1: Find your ballot. If you want to be cool, you print it so you can bring it filled-out to the polls. That will really impress the elderly volunteers. Maybe they'll give you an extra sticker!

Step 2: Research your candidates:
www.votesmart.org
News & Observer Coverage
IndyWeek Questionnaire

Step 3: Find out where and when you can vote.

Step 4. Revel in the knowledge that you have just participated in Democracy.

Spread the word!

Look to the Right

2009-11-01T18:36:00.000-08:00

You'll learn a lot more if you check my Twitter feed.
Just look this way.

September

2009-09-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

Fun with Friends continued with BBQ's, concerts, and lots of nice weather.

Other pics:

August Highlights

2009-08-28T12:38:00.000-07:00

The Beach! We joined our friends the McCarthy's on the Outer Banks and had a blast. Hope to do it again.

Other Snapshots of the Month.

Fun with Captions

2009-06-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

All is well in Chez Yama. I'm off work so we're enjoying the pool and other outdoor sports this summer. The babies are in a great place where their schedule is predictable and manageable. This is in contrast to a few months ago when I hit a wall and was unable to remember basic stuff like putting gas in my car and dressing myself properly. Seriously, in the same week I ran out of gas and spent an entire day with my pants on inside-out.

Alex and Sasha are loving school, their friends, temporary tatoos, and sushi. Alex has become a puzzle savant and has a great future at NASA if they don't mind counting to three everytime they need him to follow the most basic direction.

Sasha is playing increasingly elaborate pretend games with her toys. Our favorite is when she imitates Lisa Kudrow's character from Mad About You as the Worst Waitress Ever. Sasha approaches us with her notepad (Hello Kitty, natch) and pencil asking us what we would like to eat.

Mommy: "Umm.. How about a cheeseburger."
Sasha: "A Wendy's cheeseburger? That's your favorite. [scribbles something down] No, sorry mama, we don't have cheeseburgers."
Mommy: "Ok, I'll take cereal."
Sasha: "Great! I'll go get your pizza. And beer."

And then she wanders away to take someone else's order but never returns with food--not even pretend food!

Nu and I went to a wedding in St. Thomas which was awesome on so many levels. We missed the kids, but it was so great to sit by a pool without playing lifeguard/sunscreen dispenser. Oh, and seeing our friends get married was nice too! :)

And randomly, here are some recent pictures with commentary:

Sasha: "I'm going to "bu-lay" (she pronounces "ballet" as if she were Cajun)"

Mom: "Love me some Cutie Casey!"
Casey: "Squeezing. me. too. tight."

Alex: "How'd you like my Dinasaur Roar, Blake?"
Blake: "WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
Casey: "Now you've done it . . ."

How many Yama's can we get in one picture?

(Can anyone tell me why this collage is coming out so blurry? I used Picasa)

I'm so glad you asked

2009-06-25T00:49:00.000-07:00

So many of my [four] readers have asked me the same questions that I feel the need to answer them all here as an entirely separate self-aggrandizing post. I am very busy and cannot be bothered to answer all 7 of your questions individually. Plus, it's much cooler to brag about myself to EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET, than to privately and modestly respond to every reader.

1. What kind of Camera do you use?

My brother David gave me a black one. I think the brand name starts with an "L" or something. It has a Flash and a Lens Cap and a bunch of buttons I don't know how to use. Sometimes I also use the one that came with my phone.

2. Your seem like such a great parent. What is your secret?

Thanks! I AM a great parent. I have all the answers and only share stories of my children misbehaving to make my blog more relatable. My secret is that I sew all my family's clothes. Out of hemp and flaxseed.

3. Do people ask you about your kids in public? How do you respond to all the annoying comments about twins?

I am ungrateful for my four healthy and beautiful children so I respond to strangers' compliments with sarcastic remarks that make my kids seem like a burden. And I sound like Mother Theresa for caring for children I chose to conceive. Most of my comments include variations of cheesy twin clichés like "double the trouble."

4. I loved that beautiful patterned shirt you wear in several posts. Where can I get one?

Thanks! It's from a famous designer and I spent a ton of money on it.

5. How do you find the time to feed your family nutritious, homemade meals?

I don't.

6. Will you do a post on disposable diapering?

Sure--I'll do it right now. Buy diapers at store. Put them on baby. Throw the used ones into the landfill. Repeat as needed.

7. Chemicals--shouldn't we be worried about them?

No. What are you--Amish? Chemicals make our food taste better, help us live longer, and are just plain fun. Don't be a buzzkill.

Fairy and Pirate Camp

2009-06-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

Alex and Sasha had their first dance experience this week at "Fairy and Pirate Dance Camp." The instructor was their beloved preschool teacher from last year and they had a fabulous time with all their friends. On the last day, there was a small recital where they performed a dance in little tutus. Nu was OK with Alex taking dance, especially with the very manly Pirate theme. But in the end, Alex wanted to be like all the other (girl) campers and we got these hilarious pics and videos. Someday, he will forgive me but I can't resist sharing them:

Pain is for Suckers

2009-05-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to Benanna who are expecting a Chaquita Benanna in October!

I didn't blog a lot about pregnancy. The first pregnancy was pre-StalkingDebo and the 2nd pregnancy was so weird with all the twins. I drafted a few posts but just couldn't finish anything.

For posterity, I'm going to post a few random stories from my pregnancies. Some things are just too weird or funny to be forgotten.

Twins have a greater chance of being born via C-section but if you spend 10 seconds on Google, you can find lots of ways to bring two babies into the world. Hospital, Birthing Center, Home Birth, Mountaintop labor, you can find it all. In my 1st pregnancy, Sasha was footling breach from about week 28. She was as spread out as much as possible taking up 2/3 of my belly while little Alex was tucked into a ball in the corner. It took MONTHS for him to extend his legs after he was born.

But by the time we needed to take a childbirth class, Nu and I weren't sure of my childbirth fate. I thought a C-section was likely but my Dr. didn't want to make any decisions until week 35. So we went though the motions and enrolled in a Labor Orientation class. We had a wonderful teacher who was so knowledgeable about how babies are born. They covered every part of labor--even C-sections--and provided info about newborn babies as well.

HOWEVER, we did not fit in very well with the rest of our classmates. Our first clue came within the first 10 minutes of class. Everyone went around the room and shared their goals for their childbirth. Goals? How about healthy babies? Isn't that the point of this whole drama? Apparently no. Some masochists actually think the goal of pregnancy is the childbirth experience. And their wives agree with them.

Some want to experience the PAIN, the SUFFERING, the INCONTINENCE and they don't want so much as an aspirin to get in their way. There were about 15 couples in our class and each went around the room sharing their goals:

natural
little intervention
simple
no meds!
breathing
granola
hippie
Preferably while singing "Kum Ba Ya"

When it was my turn, I wanted to say, "I don't want to feel anything. I
actually want an epidural right now." but I felt pressured and self-conscious of
my radical pain management ideas and muttered something like, "I want the least
traumatic experience possible."

At this point, I should say that this is America and everyone has a right to their own childbirth experience. Do I think women should be able to choose how they give birth? Absolutely. Do I understand chilbirth without meds? Not really.

So.

Nu and I continued to attend this class week after week learning important things about breathing and pushing and transition and placentas, etc. I think the class was most helpful for Nu. Not until you have your first pregnancy do you realize how little guys know about
how babies are made. At one point during the pregnancy, I briefly convinced him
that the baby's body parts were floating around independent of each other until
they popped onto the body like Mr. Potato Head.

But when we weren't learning about the birthing process, we were practicing breathing and talking about pain management. With a Frosty always in hand (love the Wendy's at the
hospital), I went through the motions just in case I had to give birth in a
stalled elevator or something. The best part was when we clipped clothespins to
our ears to simulate breathing through the pain. We just squealed "ouch! ouch!
ouch!" until stern looks from our classmates shamed us into taking them off.

We experiemented with a variety of birthing positions--the exercise
ball, pillows, leaning on a chair, etc. I determined that these exercises were
way too hard to do pregnant and usually ended sipping my frosty while leaning
against the back wall. Naoshi just kept txting on his phone while asking "guy"
questions:

Will the hospital TV have cable?
Do I (Nu) have to spend the night?
If you're getting an epidural, why do we have to learn about breathing?
Ew gross!!! Is that the baby's head!!???
Is it ok if I play soccer next Thursday?

If nothing else, Childbirth Class convinced me that "Traditional Methods" were not for me. As soon as allowed, I scheduled my appointment for a Friday in the OR and never looked back. Three years and two weeks later, we did it all again and it was even more fun the 2nd time.

December 2, 2005

December 12, 2008

Who's really the adult here?

2009-04-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

Now that they are three, Alex and Sasha have a fairly good grasp of the English Language, a pretty good grip on important Japanese phrases, and the standard "Dora & Diego" vocabulary of . . .

Ayudame (help me)

Abajo (something involving Diego and him ever-swimming downward)

Vamanos (let's go)

Arriba (up or let's go--something usually said to motivate Boots)

. . . and some other words that cartoon children need to communicate with their animal friends.

Still, though, were are astounded by how quickly their vocabulary and syntax improves every day. Usually their impressive phrases are directed as imperial commands toward each other or us. Here are the latest:

A: That's not a whale, that's an ORCA. That's not a monkey, that's a LEMUR.

S: (At the store) Wait a second mommy. I really need to pick out a new book. Wouldn't it be nice if we bought a princess book?

A: Sasha, these pajamas are too tight. Let's take them off but not tell mommy and daddy [who are listening in the next room]

S: I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU! I WAS TALKING TO ALEX!

A: I listened at school today! [teacher] said I listened very well! Yeah!! I did not bite anyone! Can I have a cookie?

S: Baba [grandma], I need you to buy me ballet stuff. So I can dance. And I need to go to dance class. Actually (long dramatic pause) my doll Lani would like to dance too.

A: Can my cow get boots for the snow? His feet will be cold.
[Side note: Cow is a disembodied Giraffe head attached to a ratty blanket. He has no appendages--feet or otherwise]

S and A: [Yelled at full volume at 7am] I'M AWAKE! I'M ALL DONE SLEEPING! I HAVE MY UNDIES ON!!!!!!! I WANT TO EAT BREAKFAST!!!! WAKE UP, DADDY!!!!!

A: [In response to a question like, "Where are your pants?" or "Did you drink the bubble soap?"] I have no 'deas. Nope. No 'deas.

In addition, Sasha has a bloodcurdling scream that drives us bananas. The noise she makes sounds like a Freight Train screeching to a halt and melts my brain. The kicker is that she uses it for the smallest of injustices. If Alex was to try on her pink sandals, if she can't get her princess dress on fast enough, if she has three crackers instead of four--she lets loose this unearthly noise. We now have a house rule that she gets timeout for this scream WITHOUT QUESTION unless she is, in fact, being eaten by a Killer Crocodile. In that case, we will hear her side first.

I do not like

2009-04-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

Pimento cheese.

Little stick figure pictures of families stuck to the window of peoples' cars.

The Food Network or any other Cooking Show. More interesting channels include: The TV Guide Channel, Book TV, and the blank screen that says "You don't pay for this premium channel."

People doing things the hard way/long way/stupid way and then complain about how long, difficult and stupid their task was.

People who should be napping but instead are SCREAMING.

When the TIVO programming guide is wrong and it records the wrong show.

When I have to dig through the dirty laundry to find not-too-dirty pants for the kids to wear.

Political Pundits. So. Much. Yelling.

That the recycling people follow secret cardboard collection rules and take or leave my cardboard at the curb using a different mysterious criteria every week.

That my kids cannot come home from a playground without a pile of sand in each of their shoes.

That clean laundry doesn't fold itself on the floor of my bedroom.

That I always have essays to grade.

That Casey and Blake will someday eat solid food. The mess. The stains. The screaming between spoonfuls.

That I am going to have to diet and exercise a lot to lose the baby weight. Again.

That I can't stay awake to read an entire chapter of a book before bedtime.

That I can't keep my babies little forever.

Sigh.

You say it's your birthday . . .

2009-03-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

It's not anybody's birthday at our house, but have been invited to some awesome throwdowns at various Bouncy-Gym-Zoo-Kid places this month. A&S LIVE for these parties. It's all they talk about for a week before and after. In fact, if your preschooler is planning a party and needs some extra guests to round out your numbers and liven up the crowd. CALL US. We will come and bring you a gift. And only the birthday child will be more enthusiastic than our children.

Here's some snippets of conversation Pre and Post Party today. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sasha: "Mama, is it the right day for Becca's party?"
Alex: "We're going to BOUNCE!!!! HIGH!!!!! [Jumps up and down for effect]"
S: "Wheeeeeee! I'm so excited!!!!! Will there be presents?"
Mom: "Yes, but this is Becca's special day. Remember, you already had a birthday party and Becca brought you presents. "
S: [Tears, scrunched red face] "But I want presents. It's MY birthday."
Mom: "No. It's Becca's. We are going to be happy for Becca or you are going to sit in the car while Alex bounces."
A: I'M GOING TO BOUNCE!!! AND RUN!!!!! AND BOUNCE!!!! [still jumping around the room]
S: "Noooooooo. I want presents. For my birthdaaaaayyyy!" [tears return]
Mom: [remarkably calm considering this is the 7th time this week we've had this conversation] "Sasha, can you keep it together and be happy for your friend? You need to be happy for her or wait in the car. Which do you want?"
A: "I'M GOING TO JUMP AND JUMP AND BOUNCE AND EAT CAKE! CAN I EAT CAKE?"
S: [sniffling and holding on by the thinnest of threads] "O. K. but at my birthday party I want presents. Princess presents. Pink Princess Presents. "
Mom: "Yes. In 10 months, you will get presents again."
A: "BOUNCY, BOUNCY, BOUNCE!!!!!!!!!! LETS GO BOUNCE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Random bits of Yama

2009-03-02T05:41:00.000-08:00

We're very busy having a great time here in the land of Yama. Some recent highlights:

Blake and Casey are smiling a lot--at us, at lights on their swing, and when they poop their pants.

Sasha is deeply entrenched in the D1SNEY-PRINCESS-MARKETING-COMPLEX. Another mom might object to this completely transparent advertising strategy designed to increase corporate profits at the expense of her daughter's soul. I think it's adorable and love talking about all the princesses stickers, dresses, purses, and various other accessories she has or wishes she had. I've even found that I can use this branding hysteria to my advantage. If I want to convince her to do something against her will, I preface it with "pretty" or "princess." Like, "Don't you want to eat these Pretty Princess Green Beans?"

On that note, Sasha wants to DANCE. She longs for dances classes and *pretty* dance dresses and shoes. Our current scheduling situation doesn't really allow for a regular class, but we're looking into some temporary summer options. She is likely to take a class with her brother, so we're trying to find some good gender-neutral camps. According to Nu , "Fairy Camp" is not an option.

Alex and Sasha are signed up for Soccer this spring. We're looking forward to the family outings and hysterical stories about a bunch of preschoolers playing their first organized sport. While they both like playing Soccer with dad, Alex has shown the most interest so far. He has mastered the Dribble, the Drop Kick, the Header, the Heel Kick, the Fake, and the ridiculous dance Brazilian players do when they score a goal. Now if only he could use these skills while actually playing soccer . . .

Nu and I are back at work and finding it to be . . . pretty good actually. Multi-tasking is the name of the game and we're finding creative ways to save time and still have adult social interactions. For those of you planning to have multiple multiples (as I'm sure MANY of you are), let us share some of our slightly shady but effective short-cuts:

We accept that we will be late to everything. Not that we were on time before, but not now we have a really good reason.
We eat mostly from our freezer or our pantry. We keep soda and beer in our produce drawers now. Again, it's not that we were organic vegans before kids, but now we don't even pretend to eat fresh food.
We do not change anyone's clothes unless they are smelly or visibly dirty.
Same rule from above applies to diapers.
Same applies to baths. Unless we're at Babas where she does it for us. :)
We invite our friends over after dinner to have fun at our house. Long live Club Nu!!!
We utilize DeboYama's hard-earned higher education to figure out how to get 4 kids and the groceries in a shoppinig cart at Target. It's pretty heavy to push, but it can be done.
We hold onto the kids' naps with a ninja-like-death-grip. Our sanity relies upon rested children and afternoon down-time. I will do everything short of tranquilizers to keep the big kids napping--or at least reading quietly on days they're not tired. So far, so good.

We'll post more pictures soon, but we're having trouble finding the time to take them! We MUST, MUST break out the video camera soon or B&C will grow up to think we kidnapped them as toddlers! Until we get it together, check out our Picasa Feed on the sidebar.

I believe

2009-02-06T12:40:00.000-08:00

In God.

In Diet Coke.

That my kids will eat when they're hungry.

That TV can be good for you (or at least entertaining).

In reading Books.

In reading Magazines (from USWeekly to the Economist--anything in magazine form is interesting)

In spending time with my kids--together and separately

In spending time with Nu--with our kids, with our friends, and just us.

In gadgets.

That G00gle is systematically brainwashing me through it's awesome applications, and I don't care.

In junk food.

That junk food will make me fat, so I can't eat too much.

In marshmellow peeps.

That twittering is a form of advanced social discourse.

That most problems can be solved with a nap.

That TV presidents should listen to Jack Bauer the first time.

That organic food is not a priority because it's not as convenient as frozen and/or prepared food.

In the wonderful goodness that is Movie Theater Popcorn.

That my friends keep me sane.

That Lipstick Jungle was unfairly canceled.

My name is . . .

2009-02-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

. . . Blake

Mommy calls me "Blakey Bear" and my big brother calls me "Bwake." I am the smallest of all the Yamas but have grand aspirations to someday grow out of Newborn Diapers (February is my month--I can FEEL it!).

My special gift is my Tried-and-True-Patented-Face-of-Heartbreaking-Pathetic-Sadness. When I stick out my lower lip, it is almost impossible for adults to resist my powers. Mommy has supplied many an extra meal to end my unbearable misery of being a little bit thirsty.

I am a great daytime sleeper and a mediocre nighttime sleeper. I love being swaddled and usually calm down fairly quickly after a meal.

My eyes are half of my face. When I'm awake, I look HYPER alert. Coupled with my old-man hairstyle, I am a chick magnet.

While in utero, I periodically stressed out my parents with wacky test results and measurements. After all that worry, it turns out that I was just a typical Yama--short with a big head and crazy hair. My parents thank God daily for my good health.

I am awesome at Tummy Time. I love practicing head-turning and leg kicking. I'm so good at it that I rolled off the ottoman onto the floor when I was about 3 weeks old. My parents were 12 inches away.

My family loves my Flipper noises. They say my squeaks and grunts sound quite Dolphin-like and think I have a promising career at Sea W0rld.

I am almost 7 weeks old.

My name is . . .

2009-02-02T11:17:00.000-08:00

. . . Casey

And I'm a milk addict. I sniff and snort like a piglet when it's time to eat. After each meal, I fill up my diaper and you can hear it 100 yards away. It sounds like a quart of oatmeal being thrown at a brick wall--only worse. And the smell . . .

When I'm not creating a scene with my "elimination" habits, I smile at my Mommy. And my dad, my brothers and my sister. I love to sleep and my little blue outfits bring out the color in my eyes.

I have already rolled over several times from my tummy. Maybe not on purpose exactly, but I do have some wicked-awesome head control. I have a love-hate relationship with those velcro straight jackets I wear at night. Sometimes they are very soothing and I sleep like a little puppy. Sometimes they make me cry until my head turns purple and my parents wonder if my eyes will start bleeding any minute.

I have a lot of hair. Not quite as much as my sister at this age, but a little more than my brothers. Because it sticks up, I look remarkably similar to a Monchichi.

I have never had a bath in my own house. Somehow, I have managed to con my "Baba" into bathing me several times a week. Grandparents are the best!

I'm six weeks old.

How Parenting is like Surgery

2009-01-17T13:48:00.000-08:00

This week, the medical community discovered that if they use a simple checklist they can avoid surgical errors and experience a significant decrease in fatalities. I'm most surprised to discover which common mistakes doctors have been making, apparently up until this week. The list is long, but here are the highlights:

1. Cutting open the wrong patient
2. Operating on the wrong body part (Oh, you said SPLEEN? )
3. Not knowing members of the surgical team and their particular expertise. (You're the food services tech? I thought you were monitoring the anesthesia!)
4. Using unclean equipment. (Is that blood or BBQ sauce?)
5. Not counting instruments before and after surgery to make sure there are no stray sponges or scalpels inside the patient (I remember the medical team doing this count after my 2 c-sections. After the most recent delivery, Nu and I were amused when our team spent a full minute arguing about the number of instruments that were in or out of my belly. We were all relieved when they found that last clamp.)

I post this not to critique doctors, but because it's given me a great idea of my own. As the number of children in our family has doubled recently, Nu and I are also finding ourselves making stupid mistakes, forgetting important things (and people), and generally not keeping it all together.

So here's my proposed checklist for the imperfect parent:

1. In the morning, confirm the presence of each child and determine who they will be with that day. It's only a matter of time before Nu and I both leave the house mistakenly thinking the other has some or all of the children. Meanwhile Alex and Sasha are home alone playing RockBand while Blake and Casey sing backup from their bouncy seats.

2. Label everyone's clothes and food. It would be embarrassing for the Alex and Sasha to show up at school wearing newborn onesies and carrying a lunchboxes full of frozen breastmilk. Meanwhile, that pb&j won't do Blake and Casey much good at Grandma's house.

3. Devise some type of ropes-course-like verbal routine when double checking seat-belts. "Alex, check? Sasha, check? Drive ON!" Twice last week, I started to drive away when a 3-yr-old in the back yelled, "Mama, I'm not BUCKLED!!!! " This will be harder with the babies, but they can just waive their paci's or something.

4. Account for all medical equipment. Bandaids, pain relief (for kids and parents), and diaper cream should be easily accessible to parents but out of reach for kids. But you've got to keep that stuff secure. Sasha would wallpaper her body with cartoon bandaids if given the opportunity. As a baby, Alex once ate some Desitin while I was changing his diaper. (BTW, Poison Control says diaper cream is not toxic in small quantities)

5. Be sure equipment is present and in proper working order. Cell phones must be charged, strollers packed in the trunk, and TIVO full of Dora/Diego episodes at all times.

6. Prepare for unexpected outcomes. Extra pants, undies, and diapers should always be with you. Snacks should be close by. Grandma should be on speed dial.

So far, we've managed to keep everybody safe and reasonably happy. Here's hoping next week goes well too!

How to make your Babies Hate You

2009-01-08T13:08:00.000-08:00

1. Use some type of specialized baby wrapping device to force them to fall asleep. Some call it a "Swaddling Blanket", but in Guantanamo Bay they call it an "Interrogation Accessory"
2. Let their Older Siblings sneeze on said babies and pass on a potentially serious Respiratory Virus
3. Take babies to the Dr. where they can wait 45 minutes to be stripped, poked, prodded to confirm illness.
4. Once babies have been confirmed sick, check their temperature repeatedly in a very sensitive area. (interestingly, one blogger is convinced that such measures are the reason behind so many Alien Abduction flashbacks)
4. Use the Nasal Aspirator several times a day to help "clear congestion" or alternatively--suck their Brains out through their nose.

Poor little guys.

Adventures on the Maternity Floor

2009-01-01T20:23:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: I wrote this at the hospital, but have been too busy to blog over the last few weeks. Sorry if it's old news.

Blake: "Who is this joker and why is he all up in my space?"
_________________________________________

We spent three days on floor 5 and a great time was had by all. During the first 36 hours, Casey and Blake were very sleepy but could be convinced to eat if we agitated them enough. By Saturday night, they were in full-out newborn mode and needed a lot more rocking, swaddling, shushing, etc. Thank goodness for the newborn nursery where nurses could attend to them while we got the last few hours of sleep for the next 4 weeks.

Alex and Sasha came to visit us a few time and were somewhat excited to see the new baby brothers, but much more interested in my high-tech bed with all the buttons. They also favored the maternity lounge with the unlimited juicebox and cracker supply. The fam really stepped up to the plate by taking care of the big kids while we were gone. Even though they missed us, we could tell the kids had a great time with their aunts, uncle, and Grandparents.

As my 2nd experience on the maternity floor, I noticed that not much had changed in 3 yrs. There are so many highlights, but here are my favorite.

Ten Bizarre Things about Floor 5

10. The state-of-the-art room with modern decor and equipment. And a 15 inch TV from 1986.

9. The bed which inexplicably moves every 10 minutes to prevent bedsores. Because so many new moms are tragically afflicted with this problem. Also last time I checked, most of us are not 90 yrs old.

8. Nurses that enter the room every 30 minutes to retake my temp, Casey's temp, Blakes temp, my blood pressure, Casey's blood pressure, Blake's blood pressure, etc.

7. Nurses who wake me up, turn on the lights, ask me 5 questions about who's dirty diaper this is (Casey's? Blake's? One of those babies with the blue hat?) and then leave with this helpful reminder . . .
"Please get some rest. It's so important that you sleep here in the hospital while you can."

6. The food. No matter how little I eat, the friendly nutritian delivery service person continues to bring me more. We also had several awkward moments where they asked if I was going to finish my hospital dinner while I was clearly eating Chinese take-out with Chopsticks.

5. The bruises left on the boys from all the blood that is drawn. It looks like they were attacked by a colony of vampire bats.

4. The team of SIX pediatricians who visited us on our last day to discharge us. Two attendings, two residents, and two med students in our little room with two parents and two children.

3. The snack room with unlimited free ice cream. SO GREAT!!!

2. The crazy swaddling skills of the nurses. One nurse can swaddle both babies with one hand while taking my blood pressure and temp with another.

1. The newborn nursery--where babies can play while their parents get a few hours of shut-eye. If only we had one at home.

Gratuitous Shot of Casey dressed in ill-fitting homecoming outfit, crying because his parents are already embarrassing him.

Nu trading places with me in my torture-device/bed.

Alex: "So these little guys belong to me now?"

Sasha: "Let me show you the tricks Mommy. I just read that "Happiest Baby on the Block" book.

Two more boys!!!!!

2008-12-13T04:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at 11:30, our 2nd (and last) set of twins were born--Casey and Blake. We got to the hospital at 8am under strict instructions not to be late and not to eat or drink anything after midnight. I was starving by then, which made me extra bitter when some other pregnant lady cut in front of me in the OR. Something about an emergency-c-section--likely story.

After several episodes of WifeSwap and the Sopranos, we spent some time playing "Guess How Much That Costs" with all the tricked-out equipment in the Labor and Delivery Room. Nu won with his guess of 50K for the newborn-warmer-transconbobulator-ice-dispenser Machine.

At 11, it was finally OUR TURN and we had a very enjoyable C-Section. I've never aspired to a long and painful labor, so it is fortuitous that I have the Twin Trump Card and got to choose the planned-C. After a very effective numbing agent for me, the dr's worked quickly and delivered Casey first who wailed immediately, but was whisked away to the Flux-Capacitor-Warmer-Thingie in the other room to be harassed until the nurses found him to be cranky enough to declare healthy. Little Blake followed quickly and cried too although he was not deemed "cranky enough" at first and required extra pokes and prods to get him a passing grade. They finally found success by cramming noisy suction tubes into his nose & mouth which got him angry enough to get his own good Apgar score. Nurses 2, Boys-0.

The boys' first day of life has been blessedly uneventful. Our family and friends have come to meet the new Yamas and have brought us real food to help keep up our strength. I think hospital cuisine is like Airplane food. Some of it might be good, but I'm not going to risk finding out. I will say that our hospital does have a menu and takes special requests which I take advantage of--not for me, but for my Brother In Law. Noz loves anything under a covered blue tray and we order his faves and save it for his frequent visits.

Besides food, I have been nourished from a fabulous Intravenous-Narcotic-Happiness-Machine that provided me a steady stream of enjoyment until they pulled the plug this afternoon. :( On the upside, they will continue distributing little white pills of fun for the rest of the week.

The kids are eating well too, even if they are too young for the hard stuff. They've been a bit sleepy so each feeding takes a lot of prodding but they have both gotten the hang of it. For the next few weeks, their feeding is going to be a full time job for us. Because they love putting their hands in their mouth right before the food gets there, we have to pull some WWE moves to pin them down and cooperate. It's a two-person job right now, but I'm hoping to re-learn all those tricks where one person can feed them both at one time.

I hope to post again soon, but here are some pics from the last day:

Fall happenings--Sham WOW!

2008-11-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

We've been trying to pack in a lot of fun with the kids before our next pair make their grand entrance. As I recall, we were fairly housebound for the first month or so with newborns so we're now going places we won't be able to go for awhile.

In October, we went to the zoo, the pumpkin patch, and the state fair. The zoo is huge so we only got to see about half of it before kids and mommy ran out of gas and needed to head home. At first, we were tempted to rush from exhibit to exhibit, but that just frustrated Alex and Sasha. For the millionth time, we were reminded that the kids should lead the kids' experience and we should just follow and enjoy their fun. If you ask Sasha and Alex today what they liked about the zoo, they will probably tell you the best parts were:

the animal rescue helicopter they got to sit in (they cried when they had to climb out)

the gazillion acorns along the path perfect for lining their pockets

the baby and the mommy elephant

the "deer" (gazelles or impalas--not quite sure)

the giraffe we never saw because he was "sleeping" (according to the kids)

the POLAR BEAR!

the free Zoo Bucket that came with their lunch

the shuttle "train" that took us from one end of the zoo to the other

Here are some pics of the highlights:

The next weekend, we hit the pumpkin patch with our friends Megan, Drew, and Asher. Twelve dollars seemed a little steep for selecting one pumpkin but we quickly found it was a hay-bale, corn-maze, baby-goat wonderland for the kids. Once again, our expectations were a bit off the mark as we expected the kids to pick actual pumpkins. When let loose in the patch, both Alex and Sasha insisted that their choice was a green, runt of a baby pumpkin that looked more like a lime than anything else.

I confess that we pocketed the fake citrus and choose extra pumpkins behind their backs. Besides picking non-pumpkins we saw a lot of farm animals, navigated a corn maize (get it!?), took a hayride, and climbed over this haybale-drainage-pipe obstacle course.

We didn't get many good pics of the fair, but did enjoy some Turkey Leg and Funnel Cake. (Just doing our best to model good nutrition). Sasha did not dig the enormous drumstick, but Alex was a big fan and ate most of it himself. We saw some more baby animals (always a big hit) and narrowly avoided Nu getting suckered into buying a ShamWow. "But we saw how it works WITH OUR OWN EYES!!!" Um, no.

Halloween was awesome--great fall weather and lots of candy. Pink Butterfly and Black Bat were thrilled with the idea of wearing their costumes and getting candy from complete strangers. The grandparents followed them around like Flashbulb-Popping Stalkarazzi. Only later did we find out that Grandpa's flash wasn't working right and Grandma had her camera permanently set on 15-second-delay (designed for self portriats). After blinding 20 strangers with their unannounced picture taking, they had 4 decent pics at the end of the evening. Sigh. Luckily, Nu was able to get good pics to share:

Halloween Bedtime

2008-10-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

How do you know when "The Three Little Pigs" is too scary? When you find Alex and Sasha in the same bed an hour later. Maybe together they can fend off the Big, Bad Wolf?

Multi Mini's

2008-10-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

In T-minus 10 minutes, we will be a 2 minivan family. Would this license plate put me over the edge?

Presidential Debate Drinking Game

2008-10-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

Here it is! The final presidential debate Drinking Game. I'll be loading up on milk, but you can pick your own poison and play along. I've ripped much of this off from. . .

http://davethenovelist.wordpress.com/2008/09/25/presidential-debate-drinking-game/

But I've made some changes to make it funnier.

TAKE A SHOT:

-When the buzzwords “change” or “maverick” or “hope” or "cronies" are used

-Whenever either candidate says “fundamental” or “fundamental difference”

-When someone says “I voted for or against” or “He voted for or against”

-When McCain refers to Obama’s “inexperience”

-When McCain stammers and looks like he might have a heart attack

-When McCain somehow works in his personal story as a POW during Vietnam

-When McCain refers to the moderator as “my friend” or the audience as “my friends”

-When Obama somehow works in his personal story of being raised by a single mom and his grandparents

-When Obama makes a smirk, shakes his head, and says, “Look…” as a preface to a statement or follow-up

-When Obama makes the case that McCain and Bush are one and the same or uses the phrase “more of the same”

-When Obama says “John McCain is right on this, but…”

-When either one lays claims to being “bipartisan” or working “across the aisle”

ECONOMY SPECIFIC RULES:

-When someone mentions the “Bailout” of Wall Street

-When someone mentions Wall Street and Main Street in the same train of thought

-When someone starts quoting dollar figures (for example: 700 billion)

-When someone talks about mortgages/foreclosures/homeowners

-When someone says the word "Fannie" without cracking up

-When either candidate explains what the heck the initials AIG stand for

-When someone dares to utter the R-word (recession)

FOREIGN POLICY SPECIFIC RULES:

-If anyone uses the words “surge” or “victory”

-When anyone mentions a particular nation as being a potential “nuclear” threat

-When McCain talks about Islamic Radicals/Terrorists

-When Georgia, Russia, Iran, Iraq, and/or N. Korea are mentioned

-Finish your drink if both candidates ignore foreign affairs in favor of discussion of the economy

Palin and SNL

2008-10-06T15:29:00.000-07:00

Two of my new favorite Palin parodies on SNL. Notice the 2nd one mocks the debate and makes fun of Biden too. I'm so bipartisan!!!!

It's never too early . . .

2008-10-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

. . . to impose your dreams on your unwilling children. At least, that's according to Nu.

Today, he announced that he and his brother would take the kids out to "train" them in their soccer skills. This is not the first time (or even the 2nd) that they have taken the kids out to a soccer field to drill them on the basics. To prepare his twin 2-yr-olds, Nu brought 7 soccer balls, a ball pump, cones (for running drills), and soccer jerseys for each of them.

Thanks to some friends' generosity, Alex sports Zidane's jersey and Sasha has Ronaldinho. He wanted to get them some cleats, but I convinced him that we could hold off for a few more months. The kids were excited to play some soccer with daddy. They were eager to bring their own soccer balls. They played enthusiastically. . . for 10 minutes. After that, they were lured away by snacks, leaves on the ground, butterflies, their water bottle, and pretty much anything else that crossed their line of vision.

Alex was particularly fond of the soccer ball pump and tried to "fix" all the soccer balls in Nu's bag. When asked if she would like to play some more soccer, Sasha said, "No. I want to eat." Conclusive confirmation of her mom's genes--as if we needed it.

I came along to provide snacks, enjoy the beautiful day, and to ensure they weren't pressured into sprinting tests. Alex was more participatory than Sasha and demonstrated some impressive ball-handling skills. Sasha can run pretty fast and enjoyed running over (not around) the cones. In the end, Dad and Bro gave up and played some soccer themselves while the rest of us ate our sandwiches in the shade.

Sasha: "How long do we need to hold this pose?" Alex: "My cheeks hurt, daddy."

Palin Debate Chart

2008-10-03T22:17:00.001-07:00

Note: I make no claims as to Palin as a good VP candidate. I just think this chart is really funny!Props to Anna and Nu for sending this to me. Well worth the time lost at work.

How to Create a Diva

2008-10-01T14:29:00.000-07:00

Step 1: Paint her nails--preferably with pink Wet-N-Wild nail polish.

Step 2: Tell her that a pink mani/pedi coordinates well with her pretty dress.

Step 3: Allow her several minutes in front of the mirror to admire her new look. Listen to lots of "pretty, pretty. Pretty nails and Pretty dress. I'm pretty!"

Step 4: After her West Side Story moment, watch as she flounces around the house telling her brother, dad, and stuffed animals just how pretty she is.

Step 5: Regret the damn nail polish when it starts to chip and she falls apart on the living room floor. "My pink is coming off!!!!!! Paint my nails! PAINT THEM!"

Step 6: Begin saving for her MTV Super Sweet Sixteen TV appearance.

"Have you seen my pretty nail polish, Baba? I'm pretty!"

My new geeky addiction

2008-09-19T12:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not great at math. In high school, I never understood probability and statistics. Like what are the chances I'll flip a coin and get tails 10 times in a row? Or, say . . . what are the chances of getting pregnant with twins two times in a row? But I digress.

While I cannot create or use statistical formulas, I do understand the value of statistical analysis.
In one of my classes, we're looking at the difference between causation and correlation. In other words, things that happen together sometimes cause each other and sometimes don't. While preparing for my students, I stumbled across this website from George Mason University:

www.stats.org

They critically analyze news stories about research studies and give some perspective to all those scary reports about hot-topics like cancer, vaccines, and toxins. The blog is now my new fave.

It's like the adult version of the urban-myth-buster website, SNOPES, but it's not about email scams from Nigerians trying to move millions into my bank account. Both are great ways to waste more time online. Enjoy!

Palin and Clinton

2008-09-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

We all knew that Tina Fey would make a great Sarah Palin, but in this SNL clip I can't even tell them apart!

They're finally asleep!

2008-09-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

Day Four of Big Beds and it's been a wild ride. While moments have been crazy, it's mostly due to the extreme excitement about their new beds, blankets and pillow. I only wish I could get so excited about bedding--oh, the thrills of being 2yrs old.

Here's a recap . . .

Day One: Kids wreck their new room. Mom rethinks her decision to move away from cribs.

Day Two: Kids again spend 2+ hours bouncing around the room and fall asleep in a heap. Mom goes in to give 34 stern lectures during that time. Mom also google-searches Gypsies in the market for two new recruits.

Day Three: Alex starts to show the strain of continued sleeplessness at school and at home. Possibly due to extreme fatigue, kids go to bed after only 90 minutes of bedroom gymnastics. Is this a light at the end of the tunnel? Mom peeks in to find them asleep--both in Sasha's bed. So cute I forgive the first days of madness.

Day four: Kids fall asleep after only 20 minutes of quiet talking. Extreme exhaustion is finally working in mom's favor!

The next kids will be in cribs till they're 12

2008-09-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

We moved to BIG BEDS today and I was very nervous. We have plotted the move, bought the furniture, PAINTED the furniture, and spent the last two weekends dismantling our office to make room for our rapidly expanding family.

Alex and Sasha were pumped about the new beds. We talked up the sheets, the wall decals (not yet arrived) and the new privilege of sleeping with a PILLOW for the first time. They actually said, "Thank you mommy! Thank you daddy! I WOOOOVE my new bed!!!!!" It was very touching.

Since we took everything out of the office (their new room), we thought it wise not to move any of their toys in until the sleeping patterns were well established. In this room the kids have beds and an empty dresser and . . . nothing else. Every item that could distract or destroy was removed from the room. Or so I thought.

The kids start their first big-bed nap and I hear a lot of activity. I went in a few times and remind them to go to sleep, but ultimately had to wait for them to calm down and sleep themselves. At various times . . .

Alex terrorized Sasha by trying to sleep next to her.

Sasha laughed hysterically at her stuffed animals.

They both ran several hundred laps around the room.

At one point, I heard a mysterious heavy banging sound. It crossed my mind to investigate, but I remembered that I had stripped the room bare (such a prepared mom!). They were probably just kicking the wall or something--no worries.

Eventually, I heard the sweet sound of *silence* and thought what every parent thinks right before disaster strikes, "That wasn't so bad. I'm a really good parent. Maybe I should write books about this and make millions helping other families with daunting transitions."

I peeked in the room after an hour of quiet and found

1. Kids alive and well. Check.
2. Kids sleeping snuggled adorably with stuffed "amimals". Check.
3. Kids sleeping in correct beds. Sheets still on them. Check. Check.

4. Flimsy window shades completely destroyed. Metal bar removed from shades to bang gashes in the week-old dresser and bed frames.

Clearly, no one should buy this book.

Wine in a Sippy Cup

2008-08-27T12:02:00.000-07:00

The Beach! It was so fun! We joined our friends Dave and Kim for some sun, sand, and card playing a few weekends ago. Besides the 1st night hotel drama, we had a sunny and fabulous time swimming and playing in the sand.

The kids were great in the car. Debo does not like long road trips, but this one could not be avoided. Armed with cartoons, Pink El'phant and Tiger, the kids chilled in the car and had a happy ride to the beach.

The kids never tired of the water and sand, but my favorite part was eating fried junk the entire time.

In summary, it was pretty much eat, swim, sleep, repeat and felt like the perfect vacation. The adults knew they were having a little too much fun when Alex asked for Merlot in his cup "like Daddy."

No polio for me, thanks.

2008-08-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

Here's a good article today on childhood vaccines and how the un-vaccinated are putting others at risk. I'm just glad that my state is pretty strict on vaccinations before kindergarten.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26291109/

I want to be a Syncro Diver

2008-08-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

In lieu of . . .

1. Preparing for school to start
2. Converting the office to the soon-to-be Big Kid bedroom
3. Sleeping

I've been obsessively watching the Olympics. The night before I went back to work, I stayed up until 2am watching Gymnastics.

Yesterday (after swearing that I wouldn't), I watched the entire Women's Marathon and marveled at how that Romanian chick could run multiple victory laps after WINNING a 26.2 mile race. For comparison, you should remember that I completed a marathon in triple that time and could not walk properly for a week.

Today, I lost 30 minutes of my life to Dressage--which I now know to be Snooty-Horse-Prancing.

(this horse is called Special Ed. omg.)

In my enthusiasm, I accidentally erased my entire TIVO by scheduling a Season Pass of ALL OLYMPIC EVENTS. [Remember, HD shows take up a lot of space--especially when they're 8 hours a piece]

So I've prioritized. Here are the highlights of the Olympics according to Debo:

Synchronized Diving:

I love watching those Chinese divers and their robotic precision. I know that they're a little more "motivated" than the other athletes (get a medal or exile to the countryside), but it's amazing how they do all those flips together.

Also, I am inspired by the story of Dmitri Sautin who overcame a SEVERE STABBING to return to Olympic competition

Gymnastics:

Mens: This has been a hard year for Nu's people as we watched the Japanese men fall off one apparatus after the next. Never mind a medal, they just wanted to live through the All-Around. Maybe it was the hairgel?

On the plus side, this guy is a shoe-in for the next "Agony of Defeat" video montage.

Womens: So great! Love Nastia! Love Shawn! Only complaint: all the girls looked so pale and pasty under the bright lights. I know they don't have time to sunbathe during training, but they should really consider a Mystic Tan before they go on camera again.

The Chinese: Wow. Those communists really know how to motivate their athletes. They see their parents once a year, forge their birth dates on their passports, and are FREAKISHLY strong despite the fact that not one of them weighs more than 100lbs.

Bela Karolyi: I'm sure it sounded like a great idea for him to commentate for NBC, but he's clearly gone off the reservation. He has become a story unto himself by calling the underage Chinese gymnasts "half-people" while giving Bob Costa a near-stroke every time he makes a new inflammatory comment. Love it.

Swimming:

Mens: Michael Phelps looks bored with winning medals. It's sad when you win the gold, break another World Record, and can't even summon up the enthusiasm for a fist-pump.

Womens: Australia and New Zealand are SO fast! Do you think it's because they have lots of practice swimming away from all those man-eating sharks down there?

Beach Volleyball:
Since when was it acceptable to play an Olympic sport wearing Pasties and a Bikini-bottom? Not cool.

Track & Field is just getting started, but I just can't wait for the Discus competition to begin.

Opening Ceremonies recap

2008-08-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

Since I was drinking milk during the Opening, I didn't exactly win the Drinking Gaame but I did avoid a headache the next day. I really enjoyed the drums, pyrotechnics, and am definitely going to get my own 500 ft LCD screen for my backyard next year.

There were so many awesome moments, but here are my favorites:

2008 Drummers
(in diapers according to E.)

Parade of Nations
(aka: International Fashion Disasters)

A white beret? Did the US think this was a golf tourney?

France
What is the purpose of that belt?
Man-pris! Turns out that Nu should maybe move to
Switzerland

or Denmark?
(note: not every man can pull off capri's)

Side note: When is it warm enough in the Swiss Alps or Scandinavia to wear short pants?

The Aussies apparently forged a river to get to Parade.

South Africa
Yo, Ben: What's up with your people representing themselves in CROCS?
I hope you're embarrassed because I am.

I think the Swedes stole this uniform from the food vendors at Busch Gardens.

And Japan.
Nu's people just LOOOVE that school-uniform/museum docent look.

Olympics Opening Ceremonies Drinking Game

2008-08-08T15:40:00.001-07:00

Note: Much of this was ripped-off from radaronline.com. Be sure to drink responsibly!

TAKE A SIP WHENEVER:

The Olympics are referred to as Beijing's "coming-out party."

A TV announcer refers to China's "rising middle class."

A TV announcer refers to the fact that the Chinese frequent KFC, McDonald's, and Starbucks, just like us!

A TV announcer makes note of the fact that the Chinese people eat all sorts of crazy things, including dog leg, donkey meat, scorpion kebab, and yak.

Teenage girls are shown giggling while watching Michael Phelps.

An announcer mentions the intense Beijing air pollution.

An announcer brings up the Chinese government's ability to rid the atmosphere of said pollution by artificially inducing rain.

The sad story of "Dan and Dave" is brought up.

Every time you see a lantern, fan, or fireworks

TAKE A GULP WHENEVER:

Bob Costas informs us that an athlete has "prepared his whole life for just this one moment."

An announcer utters any of the following phrases:

1) "Everyone in the stadium was a winner today." (Or its inverse: "There are no losers here.")
2) "This is what the Olympics are all about."
3) "[Random obscure athlete who competes in an event you only pay attention to once every four years and who will never be heard from again] will remember this day for the rest of his life."
4) An announcer states, "This is truly what the Olympic Games are all about."

An announcer acknowledges that saying something like "the whole world is watching" is a cliché, but proceeds to say it anyway.

An announcer tell us that a participant is competing despite:
1) The recent diagnosis of a family member/loved one with a life-threatening disease.
2) The recent death of a family member/loved one by way of a life-threatening disease.
3) Having been diagnosed with a physically debilitating or crippling disease as a child.
4) Having been maimed in a tractor accident or other freak occurrence as a child.
5) Having grown up with no access to food, clean water, training equipment, or sneakers.
6) Having grown up in the midst of genocide/geopolitical strife/major war.

The final heat of a competition featuring an American and a Chinese Olympian is billed as "a showdown between East and West."

There is some type of interpretive dance illustrating the last 2,000 yrs of China's glorious history.

The great wall is recreated by 1,000 school children in a gigantic human pyramid.

FINISH YOUR DRINK WHENEVER:

The wrong country is named during their opening procession.

The American Opening Ceremonies uniform includes a Cowboy hat.

The American Opening Ceremonies uniform is uglier than EVERY OTHER COUNTRY REPRESENTED.

You learn of a country's existence for the first time as they cross the field at Opening Ceremonies.

An athlete faints on camera due to pollution.

The Olympic Flame goes out.

DRINK EVERYTHING IN SIGHT IF:

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad applauds the American soccer squad's "fine effort on the pitch and exemplary patriotism."

Chinese president Hu Jintao invites the Dalai Lama to be the official lighter of the Olympic torch, after which he grants Tibet total political and religious autonomy.

David A. features prominently in the telecast.

Debo loses it on Vacay

2008-08-06T15:01:00.000-07:00

So we had a great time on vacay last week (pics later), but had one little hiccup.

To understand the depth of our tale of Woe, you should know that our kids sleep in cribs. Starting next month, they will be moving to beds but are crib-bound in the meantime. On the rare occasions we've had them in beds with us, we have learned the hard way that

a. They don't sleep much

b. We don't sleep much

c. The whole family is cranky in the morning.

Keeping this in mind, we reserved the hotel room in advance and were assured 2 cribs in the room. On the road to our destination, I called again to be sure they would have 2 cribs. Upon check-in, I asked again about the 2 cribs and was told they were ready in the room. When the cribs were not apparent in the room, we called the front desk and were told, "Cribs will be right up." At that point, we left for dinner and assumed pac-n-plays would appear magically in the room before our return.

After a long drive where the kids were very patient (and watched the Lion King 3 times), we had dinner with our friends Dave and Kim and put the kids to bed in cribs at their resort. Around 11pm, we picked up the sleeping kiddos and carted them back to our hotel for some much needed sleep.

At 11pm, no cribs and a blinking message light: "Ma'am. You won't believe this, but we don't have any cribs left."

I was tired and was not happy about the prospect of a long night of being kicked in the face by my cranky children. Normally, in this situation I would like to think I can be all Zen when complaining to management. I try to be calm, but firm with my reasonable demands and shame the manager with my Jedi-like professional demeanor into throwing apologies and compensation my way. [You WILL not charge me for the room. You WILL provide extra mints.]

Normally, I am not soooo tired and hormonal.

So I march down to reception and throw the mother of all tantrums at the front desk. No Zen, professional or otherwise. Just yelling and arm waving and more yelling. It wasn't my proudest moment, but it might have been my loudest.

And still there were no cribs. We found out later that Tony at the front desk was actually the Breakfast Bar Manager who was unlucky enough to be in my path that night. Because his training was limited to restocking mini-cereal boxes, he had no managerial skills or authority. Therefore, my dramatic tantrum was pointless to the point of comical.

So I returned to the room and hoped the kids would stay asleep all night between us on the King Sized Bed (oh Debo, will you ever learn?). Here's an annotated time-line of events:

12am--Settle into bed with sleeping Alex and Sasha. Spend 30 minutes plotting hotel vandalism before I fall asleep.

1am--Train rolls by near the hotel. Alex's choo-chooo radar is activated and he immediately sits up. "What's that noise, mommy? Is that TRAIN???!!! Let's go see the train!!!" Yes, and let's take Breakfast-Manager-Tony with us.

1:05--Sasha's up. "Awex took my Pink Ephant! I want to sleep next to mommy! I'm thirsty! I want to sleep with daddy!""

1:10--[Alex in stage whisper] "Shasha, be quiet. Mommy's sleeping. Let's get off the bed."

1:12--Escape attempt thwarted, the kids start climbing over Mom and Dad and wrestling over their Stuffed Animals.

1:20--Mom: "Go to bed. Be quiet. Go to sleep."
Alex: " I want peanut butter on bread. Daddy, I want peanut butter"
Sasha: "I want milk"
Mom: Just wait until morning and Tony will get you all of those things.

1:45--Mom: "Go to sleep. Stop talking. If you talk again, I will take your stuffed animals away." (Big time threat, by the way)

1:47--Sasha starts to hum a song.

1:48 Alex joins the humming.

1:49 --Mom: "STOP HUMMING!!!!"

2am--Kids still singing, bouncing, chattering in the dark. Nu still sleeping. I start to seriously entertain the idea of sending them to sleep in the lobby with Tony.

3am-4am--Sleep? Who can remember.

4am--Alex: "I want to see the boats. Let's go outside, mommy"
Sasha: "Mommy's sleeping. Ask Daddy."
Dad: GO TO SLEEP!!!

5am--At the merest hint of sunlight, the kids are up and ready to see the BEACH!!!!!

5am-6am--We do everything short of bungee-cording the kids to the bed and finally give up to hit the breakfast bar. WATCH OUT TONY!!! WE'RE COMING YOUR WAY!!

6am--Nu discourages me from letting the kids wreak havoc on the breakfast bar. In retrospect, he was probably right, but it would have been really entertaining.

My interaction with the management did not improve a lot the next morning, but I did yell a little less. We got the night free and an upgrade the next night, but I have a scathing and detailed letter to the Hotel Corporate Office ready to squeeze some more compensation from The Man.

I'll post an update soon about the better parts of vacay.

Nu is a Legend

2008-07-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

Every summer about this time, Nu gets a reminder that he lives in legend. He holds an impressive athletic record which stands unbroken year after year. Sometime in the month of July he'll get an email or phone call to congratulate him for holding onto his Awesome Status . . .

. . . as the fastest under-14-yr-old swimmer in Breaststroke and Butterfly in the Local Summer Swim League.

Please congratulate him next time you see him. It really makes his day.

Alexims

2008-07-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

Alex is a very active, mischievous little boy who tests boundaries and limits wherever he goes. If there is a line, he must cross it. If he is told not to touch, he must reach out his sticky little hand. Lucky for him, he's exceptionally cute and can be surprisingly sensitive at times. He regularly gives advice, comforting words, and insights which are so adorable that I forgive the fact that he scaled the kitchen counter to grab the scissors out of the KNIFE block and tried to CUT HIS OWN HAIR.

I've recorded a few of our favorite Alexisms:

If I drive around a corner too fast: "Be swowy [slowly] mommy. Don't crash our car. It would be sad."

If I've asked him to stop whining, "Ok, mommy. I happy now."

If Sasha hurts herself, [In a sing-songy sympathetic tone] "Ohhhh, Shasha, it's OK. Here, I kiss it."

If he spies a very large object, "That's vewy HUGE!!!!!"

If he spies a small, fuzzy creature, "Awww. That's vewy CUTE!!!"

If something bad happens and he needs a hug, "Hold you mommy!!! Hold you!!!"

If he's particularly enthusiastic about an upcoming event (like school, popsicles, and the approach of the garbage truck), "YEAAAA! I E'CITED!!!!"

If he knows we're heading to his favorite restaurant, K&W: " I LOOOVE my Roast Beef!"

My favorite gas station

2008-07-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

??? Is such a thing possible ???? Oh Yes. I was filling up the car today at a crappy gas station and lamenting that my favorite Fossil Fuel Source is nowhere near my house.

This wondrous place I speak of is: SHEETZ. Not only is this my fave place to get $4 gas (because that's a party all by itself), but it's one of the Top 10 places to eat in America. I discovered the wonder of Sheetz in my small college town where there were TWO stores which each sold gas for $0.75. This was particularly remarkable because this little town had about 3 decent restaurants and a mall that hosted Square Dancing on Friday nights.

For the uninitiated, let me give you the virtual tour.

You are driving along the highway when suddenly you see a bright light that inexplicably draws you closer.

As you pull in to the station, you are blinded by the unnecessary illumination but impressed with the red, shiny building.

You get gas and notice a food menu adjacent to the pump. "What's this? Can I order fresh-made food while I pump gas?" Yes you can! (And that's what makes America great)

As you scroll through the MTO (made to order) touch-screen menu, you are perplexed by some of the choices--Shmuffins? Subz? Fryz? Shmocha? All you need to know is that they're SO TASTY. Eat this, WaWa.

So, you've ordered your meal (Shmagle, perhaps?) and go inside to retrieve it. Immediately you are confronted with an overly-enthusiastic Sheetz representative. "Can I help you find something? Did you notice our MTO menu?" As you look around the store, you are shocked by just how clean this place is. It's no exaggeration to say I wish my house looked this great. Everything is in place, the bathroom smells nice, and the food is hot and ready in 5 minutes.

To the side, you see some sort of paper mache rock formation. In between the fake rocks, there are sliding doors and a sign beckoning you to the BEER CAVE. In some Sheetz locations, a voice actually calls out as you step inside, "Welcome . . . to the BEEEEER CAAAAAAAVE." It's exactly as advertised--an awesome cave of beer. I guess that explains why there were TWO Sheetz in my college town.

In the end you drive away fat and happy and can't wait until the gas gauge blinks "Empty"again.

I took a LOT of weekend road trips in college and saw some of the worst gas stations in the US. One time I stopped to use the facilities and was handed a key and a flashlight (never a good sign). Sheetz is a wonder of capitalism and I want one to open in my neighborhood.

Playground Antics

2008-07-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

Recently, David A. was in town briefly to bond with his niece and nephew. Actually, he came home to renew his work visa for China. After signing some documents promising to refrain from prostitution and dealing drugs, he hung out with the fam a bit.

The kids did not spare Day-Day from any of their endearing yet exasperating craziness. On this particular trip to the playground, you can see just a glimpse of the drama:

It all begins innocently in Grandma's wagon en route to the playground.

Look how sweet everyone looks!

At first, the kids play happily. They swing, climb and get along well.

But wait, is that sand!

It seems harmless, but you have to be alert to trouble . . .

Like certain people dumping sand on their sister's head. A definite no-no.

David then got to witness Time-Out in action. Alex assumes the position--to his credit, he is well skilled at Time-Out. His look is the adorable combo of guilt, sadness, and scheming to escape.

After 2 minutes, he dashes back to his precious trucks and all is right with the world again.

Dora for Adults

2008-07-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

SNL has a parody of Dora (thanks Leslie for the heads up!). For those of you who watch it with your kids, enjoy the story of plucky little "Maraka"

(Also courtesy of Leslie) Check out this short clip of comedian, Brian Regan, lampooning Dora and that blasted Map Song.

I Heart Olympics!

2008-07-07T17:17:00.000-07:00

We got hooked on the Olympic Trials this weekend and I'm all hyped up for Beijing 08. The kids are particularly fond of "G'Nastics" and I caught Sasha trying a complex dismount from the arm of our couch after watching the Balance Beam routines.

We're a month away from the Big Time, but I already have so many questions:

1. Is the gymnast Alicia Sacramone related to Johnny Sac from the Soprono's?

2. Was gymnast Nastia Liukin home schooled to avoid the inevitable name-calling?

3. At 41, will I have a chance to make the Olympic Women's Swim Team?

4. How many dragons, fireworks, colorful fans, and lanterns can I expect in the opening ceremonies? Stay tuned for my upcoming Opening Ceremony Drinking Game.

5. Is there a bigger Jerk than Gary Hall, Jr? Gary Hall, Sr perhaps?

6. Who will have the Saddest Bob Costas Voiceover Mini-Bio? I anticipate some beach volleyball player with a heartbreaking story of overcoming a drug addiction after his Prius is stolen.

Can't Wait!

Old Houses

2008-07-02T19:28:00.001-07:00

Many of our friends have moved, are moving, or want to move into an Old House. They're mostly part of the trendy, gentrification movement where they renovate beautiful old homes full of Character and Squeaky Floorboards. Nu and I have never understood this trend. All we want is a big refrigerator and a place for our enormous TV. Also, we like having a nice yard for the kids.

And even though I'm generally against "nature" I do like having some mature trees on our lot that shade us from the sun and give us some privacy. So I'm not dying to move into a brand-new house. I just like a house that's "a little" old.

Why am I against Old Houses? Here's a list that will certainly convince you of my viewpoint.

1. Old Houses smell funny.
2. Old Houses rarely have a garage. And if they do, the garage is inexplicably detached from the house.
3. Old Houses are far away from where we live. It's getting increasingly inconvenient to visit everyone and I really think our friends should think more about our location when they house-hunt. Gas isn't cheap, you know.
4. Old Houses have bizarre layouts. Finding the bathroom is a challenge and when you do, the facilities are oddly arranged. Why should bathtubs have feet? Do you really need two spigots in one sink (one for hot, one for cold)?

This is the clincher:

5. OLD HOUSES ARE HAUNTED!!!! It's just plain statistics. If your house dates back to 1910, enough people have lived there to have had some fatality or unfortunate calamity. Watch the movie, The Others, and you'll be begging to live in a 1970's split-level. If you haven't found the ghosts yet, I challenge you to spend the night alone in the creepy cellar/basement that certainly came with your Historic Purchase.

So . . . See you at the next HOA meeting?

Lessons from Supernanny

2008-07-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

We loooove Supernanny. There are so many reasons to enjoy this show:

1. The kids are always a complete nightmare. After a particularly difficult day with our own rowdy offspring, it's always nice to see someone with children who hit their parents with rocks and make their babysitters cry.

2. We take delight in our self-righteous judgment of these parents completely clueless to obvious problems in their household. I say this fully aware that if camera crews filmed us for two days, people all over America would be laughing at us and possibly calling social services.

3. Supernanny always solves the family's problems with perfectly ordinary discipline techniques in only 20 minutes. It's so amazing! All it takes is a handwritten chart of some kind, a naughty step/stool/bean bag, and a jar of jelly beans. Suddenly everyone loves each other and goes to bed at 8pm without complaint.

From our completely objective viewings of many episodes of Supernanny, we have noticed a few common elements in these families.

1. Their kids don't get enough sleep. Ergo, the parents don't get enough sleep. Apparently getting our kids consistently to bed at a reasonable hour is 1/2 the battle.

2. Mom is usually a short-order cook. Each child gets to choose their entre at every meal and reserves the right to change their mind multiple times mid-meal. It's like being on a cruse ship everyday!

3. If you want to bring chaos into your family, go out and get yourself some multiples. Twins, Triplets, Quads--doesn't matter. The presence of multiples always leads to screaming, biting, and generalized craziness.

4. About 1/2 way through the show, the parents rebel against Jo-Jo's rules acting as if they never expected her to institute such Draconian measures such as bedtime. One would assume that they had never seen previous Supernanny episodes. It never fails to make us laugh and it one of the best part of the show.

In general, I feel like our kids are fairly well-adjusted, but the Twin thing always freaks me out. A small part of me fears that we're going to be on Supernanny someday. Is it possible that all twins are hardwired to just Flip Out at some point? Will the kids turn 3 and suddenly destroy the house? Stay tuned . . .

Dancing Matt

2008-06-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

I saw this video (courtesy of Sherry who is allegedly studying for the Bar Exam, but is actually forwarding videos to her friends) and thought it was really fun to watch. But mostly, it reminded me of how many places in the world I have not been. Nu and I have traveled a decent amount (separately and together) but with the kids we get out of the country a little less.

It turns out that all I need is corporate sponsorship to travel the planet! This guy got a gum company to pay him to travel the world not once, but TWICE. And--I'm guessing--all the gum he wants. He's living my dream (only with more TMJ).

Check out the video:

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Here's his website:

www.wherethehellismatt.com

Fortune Cookie Torture

2008-06-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

So we went to PF Chang's tonight so I could eat my fave entree--Crispy Honey Chicken. The kids were pretty well behaved and loved their Chicken Lo Mein. Wisely, Nu told both of them that they would only get to eat the fortune cookie at the end of the meal if they did not throw any food.

Sasha was OK with this, but Alex had a hard time. He was born with an intense need to test food aerodynamics. At 2.5, he no longer drops a lot of food, but sometimes has to throw a piece or two at the end of the meal just to see them fly through the air. He really wanted a cookie, but couldn't resist launching a few Noodles from his plate onto the floor. (In his defense, noodles do have an interesting flight pattern)

At the end of the meal, we explained again why only Sasha would get the cookie and Alex's little face crumpled into utter despair. "I want a cookie! Mamma, please! PLEASE!" Sasha sat in her carseat double-fisting fortune cookies and went to work torturing her brother.

A: (looking at Sasha) I want to cookie!
S: MMMMM. . . cookie yummy. See, Awex? Yummy cookie.
A: (face crumpled and voice wobbly) Shasha, I want a cookie. Please. PLEASE!
S: No cookie, Awex. Throw food on the floor. Daddy say NO! No throw food on floor.
A: I want a coooooookkkieeeeeeee. (Sobbing, screeching, etc.)
S: (smugly) No cookie, Awex. MMMMM. Yummy. See it? (holds cookie in front of his nose) Nice cookie.

Where does she get such a devious little nature??

Things I will never do . . .

2008-06-18T10:55:00.001-07:00

Dress Alex in velvet knickers--even if it's for an expensive, Victorian portrait session to be displayed at the mall.

Attempt any kind of extended Cleanse/Detox/Organic/Vegan diet. I can only survive 6 hours without sugar and cheese. Also, I think Oprah's friends and associates should run for the hills until she's done with hers. Severely deprived people can be psycho.

Partake in any clothing (or undergarment) with clear straps. YOU CAN STILL SEE THEM!!!!!

Go to a movie without ordering a Medium Popcorn (with butter), Diet Coke, and candy.

Put a magnetic soccer ball decal on the back of my car. The mini-van is a statement all its own.

Wear a scrunchie in my hair (ever again).

Cook a veggie/turkey/tofu burger for myself. I don't care what anyone says, they are NOT real burgers.

Eat quinoa--whatever that is--even though FitSugar says it's the new cool vegetable. I say: there's no such thing.

Debbie Downer

2008-06-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

The skit from SNL is passably funny, but watching the cast members deteriorate on live TV is what made me laugh till I cried.

Also, E is very worried about the statistics on Feline Aids. Can someone confirm this?

Shark Attack: It's a REAL DANGER!

2008-06-11T16:34:00.000-07:00

Some like to mock me and my "safety-first" attitude toward the Great Blue Sea. Read this and you'll see that YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF SHARKS TOO!!!!!!

"Hey Daisy!"

2008-06-03T12:01:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Benanna invited us to join them at their fabulous beach house with their dog, Daisy. Alex and Sasha in tow, we had a relaxing weekend in the sand and sun. The kids were particularly fond of Daisy and by Sunday, she was exhausted from running away from them.

One of the cruel ironies of parenthood is vacation with toddlers. We are so excited to play with them in the sand and collect sea shells, but there are some drawbacks that must be considered.

1. They wake up early on vacay. From 6-8am, they are like crazed, demented monkeys running, shouting, and demanding a 4-course breakfast to their specifications.

2. They never allow me to read my gossip magazines on the beach. Instead, I am constantly rescuing them from running into the ocean, throwing sand at each other, fighting over the much coveted "Red Shovel."

3. Sunscreen application for two squirmy people is precarious. I have to apply it evenly but not get it in their eyes and I have only one minute of stand-still time to do it. Reapplication is even worse--sand everywhere! everywhere!

4. I realize I've become my mom when I demand my kids to strip naked so I can spray them mercilessly with cold water from a garden hose before we go inside. I am still haunted by the screams.

5. The only TV I watch involves three baby animals named Ming-Ming, Tuck, and Lenny

Despite the hardships, we still experienced some funny moments.

1. Alex followed Daisy all day demanding, "L1ck my toes! L1ck my toes!"

2. Against my advice, Sasha insisted on taking her pants off during our first beach outing.

3. Before asking for Mommy and Daddy in the morning, the kids awoke both days asking for Daisy.

4. Both kids impressed Benanna with their Adult Language (learned from Daddy, by the way).

5. Anna and Debo had fun with Alex by removing the batteries from the ridiculously loud tractor toy. "No Alex, it's not broken. The tractor is supposed to be a QUIET toy."

6. Post bedtime drinks on the porch--such fun!!!!

Alex talks a big game, but is actually afraid of the ocean. Here he is running away from the tide.

"Why again was it a good idea to take off our pants?"

This is the best sand castle EVER!

"It's funny because it's raci*st" --Ricky Gervais, creator of the Office

2008-05-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

We were out of town last weekend, so we missed SNL. Thanks to the wonder that is HULU, however, I have a clip from the "Japanese Office" parody. Enjoy.

P.S. If you think they don't actually have Hello Kitty Sanitary products in Japan, you are mistaken.

Hope for the new generation

2008-05-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

My mother-in-law (Baba) is awesome. Besides helping us out with the kids (frequently), she often feeds us because we cannot feed ourselves. I don't like to cook. At all. I CAN cook a few things, but I just don't like it. I should note that NU DOESN'T COOK EITHER, BUT HE DOESN'T FEEL THE NEED TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF. My mom is a great chef, as well, but I did not inherit her love of the kitchen. Someday, when I am a rich and famous social studies teacher, I will hire a personal chef who will make my favorite foods.

Until then, we subsist on a non-homemade menu between meals at Baba's house. Typical week's fare goes something like this:

Monday--Dinner at a Mexican restaurant with a "Kids eat Free" special (leftovers for the kids' lunch the next day)
Tuesday--Stir-fry-frozen-goodness from Trader Joes
Wednesday--sandwiches
Thursday--Meeting or event of some kind--eat snacks before and after
Friday--Date at a restaurant
Saturday--Leftovers from the previous night's dinner
Sunday--DINNER WITH BABA!!!!

Baba has offered many times to give me cooking lessons, but has long since realized that my problem is not aptitude but interest. She now accepts me as I am and prays every week that my husband and children will not waste away because they eat out of cans.

But things are looking up! Overcoming incredible odds, Sasha seems to like the kitchen. She wants to help Baba all the time and has already started cutting soft foods like mushrooms with a little plastic knife. Back from a trip to Japan, Baba brought Sasha an adorable little apron and Sasha went right to work helping to make dinner.

So it turns out, I don't need to be rich and famous to have a personal chef. I can grow one right here at home!!!!!!

Doughy. White. Sad.

2008-05-20T15:20:00.001-07:00

Check out this clip from the Daily Show mocking the new Republican slogan, "The Change you deserve." Apparently, they ripped it off from Effexor--an antidepressant drug. Wow. That's taking branding to a whole new level.

(skip ahead to 1:15 for the funny part of the clip)

What if I . . .?

2008-05-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

Got so excited to see my friends that I hit them in the head.

Emptied my bowl of pasta on the table and then ate it "like doggy does" with my face.

Encouraged my brother to hit me, pull my hair, bite my hand, or push me down the stairs so I could cry victim and get people to hug me.

Jumped up and down every time the Garbage Truck drove past my house.

Insisted on eating carrots out of a toy bucket.

Victor Sifuentes vs. Hawkeye Pierce

2008-05-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

In my Current Events class, we have a weekly seminar about some timely topic like polygamy or taxes. Because it's been such an exciting primary season (and because I can), I am also forcing the students to watch the last two seasons of my all-time favorite show, The West Wing.

I always loved WW and even when the writing suffered from Aaron Sorkin's various trips to rehab, I watched every episode. (He writes much better on the 'shrooms by the way.)

Since the fall, we have been watching an a few episodes per month starting with the beginning of the Santos Campaign. Fans of the show have probably noticed the similarities between the WW and the current Democratic Primary Contest, but Slate TV does a great job of exposing the eerie parallels between real-life and a TV show that was canceled two years ago.

In case you're wondering, my students are now also hooked on the show. My 10th graders ask me weekly, "Will Santos win? Isn't that the girl from Meet the Parents?"

My 12th graders pretend to be bored by the whole thing, but I can sense they're secretly into it. And even if they're not, I love watching it at work.

The Groundhog Who Will Not Die

2008-05-07T18:43:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Alex and Sasha had a sleepover with Noz and E. While driving around town, they encountered a groundhog clinging to life after being hit by a car. Apparently, the scene was quite messy and dramatic. The Aunt and Uncle took advantage of the teachable moment to drive home the lesson to "hold hands on the street."

The next day, I got the skinny from the kids:

A: We saw AMIMAL!
S: GROUNDHOG! He was bleeding!
A: Bleeding. . .
S: Yeah . . .bleeding . . .
A: Noz got shovel
S: It's Ok! It's OK! E got a shovel
A: Tell amimals. . . Tell amimals. . .Tell amimals to hold hands.
S: Hold hands in the ROAD!
A: Groundhog no hold hands. His mommy sad.
S: Need to hold hands in the road. Mommy sad.
A: Groundhog bleeding. Mommy cry.

We've been having trouble with Alex darting away from us, so this lesson was quite helpful.

Since that fateful day, the kids have been repeating this scene OVER AND OVER. Everyday they regale me with the tragic tale of a careless groundhog who's mommy is now crying. We hear about this groundhog whenever we hold hands, see a road, scrape a knee (bleeding), eat our breakfast, it goes ON and ON.

Yesterday, Sasha asked me for the 12th time on the 1.5 mile journey between our house and Trader Joe's about the Groundhog.

S: Where is the groundhog?
A: He's bleeding. Sad . . .
S: Where is the groundhog, mommy?
Me: (impatient and tired) The groundhog is dead. He died. He's all gone.

silence

I glance into the rear-view mirror and see their little synapses firing a mile-a-minute trying to understand the existential question of life and death.

Just when I think I've finally put an end to this gruesome saga . . .

S: Groundhog dead
A: He DIED.
S: Dead! He Died!
A: His mommy sad.
S: It's Ok, It's OK, He DIED!!!!
A: All gone

(and on and on . . .)

Commies, Commies Everywhere

2008-05-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

While I almost expected China to let David A run with the the torch, I am impressed that he got to witness it without even leaving his apartment. Extra props for getting into the "Spirit of the People" with the little red flag.

A Civics Teacher's Dream

2008-05-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

If you are a good stalker of Debo than you already know that I love election stuff. Nu only votes for Kristy Yamaguchi on Dancing With the Stars (note the "g" between Yama and Uchi--it's more than decoration). I vote for REAL candidates who have REAL responsibilities that do not include a Disco Ball. Since you stalk me, you're probably thinking:

"But Debo, how can I vote? Where can I vote? How do I make an educated choice and not just bubble random circles by names I vaguely recognize?

I'm so glad you asked.

If you're a registered Democrat OR independent you can vote in the Democratic Presidential primary. But wait! That's not all!

You can also vote for local officials like your School Board.

Step 1: Double-check your voting location (it changes sometimes)

Step 2: From your voting information page, view your sample ballot to see which positions you are choosing

Step 3: Use this link to research your choices.

Happy voting!

China continues to revolve around David A

2008-04-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

Check out this new post on David A's recently revived blog. It's humorous, but what I find most striking is this news:

The Chinese Government has engineered the Olympic Torch tour so that it runs by David's apartment. Of course they have. One quarter of the world's population lives in that country and they've chosen some white guy's building for the Torch Parade.
o. m. g.

I am SO "A-Listy"

2008-04-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

I don't consider The Hills to be a guilty pleasure because I don't feel guilty about it. I like to watch it and discuss it with my friends--most of whom are not between the target demographic of 15-19. I dedicate this post to Ben (of benanna fame) because he dares to DISDAIN those who wish to be culturally relevant.

I noticed this article online and found it worth sharing. Apparently, Heidi was invited to the White House Correspondence dinner (!) and declined through her puppet-master/boyfriend Spencer. Spencer was not offered 1st class tickets to accompany his tupperware girlfriend to the event. In his statement, he said the Correspondence Dinner was "not A-Listy" enough. My goal is to use that word in a sentence everyday this week. Who's with me?

Meet Shashi-Mi

2008-04-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

For the kids' birthday awhile back, I wanted to get a doll for Sasha. I found it at KMart while shopping for Christmas lights (why else would I be there?). Amid the poorly organized shelves and actively hostile employees, I spotted her. . .

The doll's name is Shashi-Mi which is remarkably close to the nickname I use for my own little "Sashimi." Most impressive was the doll was Asian-looking, but with light eyes. Just like Sasha!

I have decided that we can overlook the punk look for the doll, but it's hard to miss the crop-top, the gold streaks in the hair, and the weird CRAB BRACELET. WTF?

The weirdest part about the Shashi-mi (even crazier than the orange crustacean accessory) is her choice to wear a diaper AND panties under her wrap-around shorts. Shashi-Mi is supplied to the BigK by a Spanish company so I can only assume that parents in Spain love baby undergarments.

Beach and Wine

2008-04-21T15:52:00.000-07:00

So I went to the beach with some friends and Nu braved the homefront alone for the weekend.

Highlights for Debo:
1. Bucket O' Margaritas
2. Sunbathing while drinking said Margaritas and reading about Beyonce's secret wedding
3. Fun restaurants with Pirate names along the lines of "Walk the Plank" or "Aargh ye maties"
4. Lots of junk food--cookies for breakfast!
5. Waking up without anyone yelling, "ALEX HAS POOP! ON HIS HANDS! HE'S EATING IT! HE'S EATING HIS POOP!!!!!!!"

Highlights for Nu:
1. Alex throwing rocks at Weaver Street
2. Kids baptizing stuffed animals in the toilet (they're very spiritual, you know)
3. Sasha hitting herself in the face when she doesn't get her way
4. Alex taking a dump on the living room floor and then somehow getting it on the family laptop
5. Nu mailing the kids back to "their homeland" in frustration

I think it was a fair trade-off, don't you?

Talking Backpacks and Singing Maps

2008-04-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

"Hero, leader, problem solver"
Jimmy Carter?
Madeline Albright?
Billy Graham?
Debo?

This morning, I was shocked to find that these words describe Dora the Explora.

As I am getting ready for work early in the am, I turn on NPR to get my daily dose of SERIOUS news. NPR and Makeup Application is part of my morning ritual. On a good day, I get up in time for Market Watch Morning Report and then follow it up with about 30 minutes of:

Middle East, Election, Middle East, Global Warming Alarmism, War in Iraq, Random local news, Midde East, etc.
(sometimes they switch-up the order for fun)

This morning, I'm applying my mascara when I hear the chilling musical intro:

"Dora, Dora, Dora the exPLORER!!!!! Who's that super-cool Exploradora?"

Aaahhhhh! Is there no escape!!!!???

The story goes on to explain the groundbreaking nature of a cartoon with a Latina tomboy and how kids learn great skills, and whatever, whatever, I've already forgotten. NPR can be quite random at times, but they're really running out of news when they can spend 7+ minutes on a little girl who has THE WORST BOWL CUT I'VE EVER SEEN.

Quotes from the Office

2008-04-13T17:49:00.000-07:00

(I'm a little behind in my Tivo watching)

"This wine has an oakey afterbirth"--Michael to dinner party

"You can get new stuff, but you can't get a new party"--Pam to Jim as he tries to make a break for it.

"You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person"--Michael to Jan

"That is a $200 TV you just killed"--Michael to Jan

Boycott Racism

2008-04-13T15:34:00.000-07:00

I've disliked the Showgram for years. The host is a racist, misogynist, mean-spirited jerk and he pulls a stunt like this every few years. He says something awful about a person or group and Clear Channel suspends him for three days and he's back on the air. I'm writing G105 and Clear Channel a letter that says . . .

their host is a jerk
in any other job his ass would be FIRED 10 years ago
I am not listening to their station (at any time of day) until he's gone

We've reprogrammed our stations in the car. Even if I have to listen to K-Love--not quite that desperate yet--I'm no longer listening to G105.

Things that should Go Without Saying

2008-04-13T15:02:00.000-07:00

(Alex and Sasha Version, Seen above with their aunt "E")

10. Don't take broken, raw eggs out of the garbage can and try to eat them then throw them on the floor
8. Don't throw heavy objects at your sister, the window, Daddy's beloved Flat-Screen TV.
7. Don't put sand in your sister's ears on the playground.
6. Don't poop on Daddy's golf shoes.
5. Don't kiss random little boys at Sunday School (this one's just for Alex).
4. Don't put strawberries in your underwear during lunch.
3. Don't bite your classmates when they don't share their teddy grahams.
2. Don't prank-text Mommy's friends with her cell phone (just for Sasha)
1. Don't splash in the public toilet in the Mall Restroom!

Free Tibet

2008-04-09T19:36:00.000-07:00

My brother, David A, lives in China. He should have his own blog of his various exploits around the globe. Each of his stories contain a few common elements:

1. He travels somewhere exotic like Myanmar or Mongolia.
2 He loses his camera, passport, jacket, and 2-3 pieces of luggage
3. A kind stranger helps find his belongings and invites him to dinner
4. He gets upgraded to 1st class on his way home.

David tells me that Blogspot is blocked in China because of controversial content. Free Tibet. Apparently the Chinese government monitors web content closely (Free Tibet) and will block internet access if he's found to be accessing objectionable sites. I love Richard Gere. Free Tibet. Free Tibet. Free Tibet.

I think David's luck is about to change.

Mamma Mia!

2008-04-09T06:57:00.000-07:00

OK, I saw this musical on Broadway and thought it was fun but not amazing. However, while watching Dancing With the Stars (don't knock it until you've tried the Paso Doble) I saw the trailer for the movie version.

It looks really good! Watch the trailer and see if you can guess why I am SO excited to see this movie.

Top Five Reason for Debo to see Mamma Mia:

5. Movie popcorn--smothered in synthetic butter, washed down by a bucket of Diet Coke (negating the calories from the popcorn)
4. Colin Firth--Yummy Mr. Darcy
3. Pierce Brosnan--Yummy Mr. Bond
2. ABBA songs in my head for weeks!
1. If Meryl's in, it must be quality.

PS. Dad is a huge ABBA fan. Be sure to ask him about the movie next time you see him.

I stand corrected

2008-04-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

So I'm telling my students my sad, sad Spring Break story today. After a very dramatic retelling, I say "Now I defy any of you to tell a more pathetic Spring Break story." A senior in the back row raises her hand and says,

"During Spring Break, I went to jail for felony possession of stolen goods."

I hate to admit it, but she's got me beat.

Election Corner pt. 2

2008-04-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

Also, check out these videos from SNL brought to you by SammieMac's mom:

Tina Fey on Hillary Clinton:

Tracy Morgan on Barak Obama:

Debo's Election Corner

2008-04-07T07:54:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me are aware I am a teeny bit obsessed with elections. I am not very partisan, but I really enjoy the process of voting. I try to vote everytime there is an opportunity even when I am the only person who votes in my precinct that day. My students think I am an "election nerd" and my husband rolls his eyes whenever the subject comes up.

On this blog, I will periodically highlight funny and interesting election articles and events. If you find anything I should be sharing with the world (because the whole world reads the blog), please forward it to me.

Here's my first article brought to you by a parent blog, Daddytypes. I love daddytypes even though I'm not actually a daddy type.

Also, I promise that all my election stories will not be child-related. I'm trying really hard not to become "that mom."

The Gospel of Juice

2008-04-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

The kids love church. They talk about it during the week. They clap and squeal when we drive near it. They have to be coaxed back to the car when it's all over. Why do they love it so? Is it the spiritual nourishment they receive? The fellowship with other spiritually-minded toddlers? No. It is the juice and snacks. When we ask them about what they did at church, they immediately reply, "I ate cwackers. I drank JUICE!!!!"

In the 70's, I can only imagine that the American Academy of Pediatrics was sponsored by Welch's. I drank Juice all day, every day, including at every church event. The only snack invented during that era was Apple Juice and Graham Crackers. At Sunday School, at VBS, at Junior Church (lame Sunday School during the summer), they would break out the Apple Juice right after the felt-board lesson where Caucasian Disciples taught us why it was wrong to bear false witness. Did anyone else ever notice that the Old Testament prophets were the same as the New Testament disciples, but with different colored tunics?

Flash forward to 2008 and you will find that pediatricians have fallen out of love with Juice. During the Q & A checklist at the beginning of regular appointments, they ask "Do they drink any juice?". This question comes right before, "Do they play with knives?" and right after "Do you beat them with sticks?" It seems clear that the only right answer is "Hell No! What kind of degenerate parent would let their kids drink Juice! Crazy talk!" I actually feel pressured to lie about the kids' juice consumption even though they only drink it at church. That's messed up.

I don't mind that they drink juice at church, but it's interesting how that tradition has held fast through the ages. Like the Laura Ashley dresses, Juice remains a constant in the lives of young worshipers. I think its part of brilliant marketing synergy between the Children's Ministry and the Juice Industrial Complex. Children equate salvation with juice. No juice. No heaven.

Alex and Sasha Sing the Hits

2008-04-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

At the end of their nap today, I overheard the kids conversing in their room.

A: "How 'bout this one? A, B C. D . . ."
S: "No! How 'bout this one? Istsy, bitsy, spidah went up the watah spout"
A: "NO! How 'bout THIS one? Old MacDonald had a DENTIST"
S: "Ee-eye-ee-eye-oooooh"

In their defense, they did sing each song in tune--kind of.

Spring Break Sucks!

2008-04-05T12:51:00.001-07:00

So my Spring Break was supposed to be a relaxing time where I didn't do any work and relaxed with my family and friends. Here's a brief rundown (for a quick-and-dirty take check out my twitter).

Friday--Bomb threat at school starts Spring Break with some much-needed excitement (dare I say, A Bang?). We all enjoy the sunshine in the Football Stadium while the police hunt down some idiot sophomore who forgot to finish his English essay.

Saturday--Monsoons, not indigenous to the Carolinas, lay waste to my weekend fun. Kids inside--no fun to be had.

Sunday--More rain, called to sub in the church toddler room, a nice afternoon movie with my friend Mandy. Maybe Spring Break will be fun after all!?

Monday--Rain! We had to cancel a playdate, but that's ok. We need to get ready for our weekend Beach Trip! (Cue ominous music here . . .)

Tuesday--We meet some friends for coffee in the morning. Alex does not take use of the facilities when given the opportunity and instead pees in his pants in the car. We follow-up with an inside playdate with friends that ends with Sasha whining and Alex popping our friend's beloved balloon on purpose. Sasha wakes up from her afternoon nap with a fever. So sad.

Wednesday--Sasha can't go to school, so we're going to get some girl time while Alex gets all the preschool babes to himself. I have to cancel my hair appointment, but that's ok--Mommy and Sasha time is always fun. Plus, it's so much easier running errands with one child instead of two.

Approximately 10 minutes before leaving for school, Alex says, "My tummy hurts" and pukes all over the kitchen. I make the heartbreaking decision to cancel our vacay plans. Alex is our early warning system. If he's sick on a Wednesday, Naoshi and/or I will also be sick by Thursday.

I think the puking has ended and drag our sorry asses to Target for some much needed supplies (carpet cleaner, for one). Alex pukes in the Cereal Aisle and Sasha cries "Awex threw up on my pink shoes. MY PINK SHOOOOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shopping trip ends in humiliation as we tell the manager he now has to disinfect the cart because Alex defiled it. Also, we smell like puke the rest of the day.

By that afternoon, I'm sick too. I beg Nu to come home early to help me, but he's already got the bug. The whole family goes to bed at 7pm.

Thursday--We call our families for moral support and they all make it clear they're not getting within 100 yards of us because we are diseased and gross. I don't blame them. We stay inside and watch Dora the Explora where our kids are transfixed by a little girl who yells in Spanish to inanimate objects who sing (ask me later about the "backpack" song).

Friday--Nu goes back to work and the kids are well enough to run errands and go to their own version of Disneyland--CHIK FIWAAAAY. We eat nuggets with our friends Jennifer and Andrew and feel a little bit better about our week.

Friday night, my parents de-quarantine us and graciously offer to babysit. We have a nice dinner out and meet Benanna for drinks. So much better!

Saturday--The Governor's Office of Drought Overreaction (directed by Debo) declares that 7 days of continuous rain over Spring Break officially ends the drought. Everyone can now flush their toilets as often as they wish.

Let the cyber-stalking begin

2008-04-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of waiting for my friends to update their blogs. I've been using Twitter for a few weeks to test my blogging skills and have decided that even if I only blog a sentence or two--it's important for others to be able to stalk me freely.