Fun with Captions

All is well in Chez Yama. I'm off work so we're enjoying the pool and other outdoor sports this summer. The babies are in a great place where their schedule is predictable and manageable. This is in contrast to a few months ago when I hit a wall and was unable to remember basic stuff like putting gas in my car and dressing myself properly. Seriously, in the same week I ran out of gas and spent an entire day with my pants on inside-out.

Alex and Sasha are loving school, their friends, temporary tatoos, and sushi. Alex has become a puzzle savant and has a great future at NASA if they don't mind counting to three everytime they need him to follow the most basic direction.

Sasha is playing increasingly elaborate pretend games with her toys. Our favorite is when she imitates Lisa Kudrow's character from Mad About You as the Worst Waitress Ever. Sasha approaches us with her notepad (Hello Kitty, natch) and pencil asking us what we would like to eat.

Mommy: "Umm.. How about a cheeseburger."
Sasha: "A Wendy's cheeseburger? That's your favorite. [scribbles something down] No, sorry mama, we don't have cheeseburgers."
Mommy: "Ok, I'll take cereal."
Sasha: "Great! I'll go get your pizza. And beer."

And then she wanders away to take someone else's order but never returns with food--not even pretend food!

Nu and I went to a wedding in St. Thomas which was awesome on so many levels. We missed the kids, but it was so great to sit by a pool without playing lifeguard/sunscreen dispenser. Oh, and seeing our friends get married was nice too! :)

And randomly, here are some recent pictures with commentary:

Sasha: "I'm going to "bu-lay" (she pronounces "ballet" as if she were Cajun)"


Mom: "Love me some Cutie Casey!"
Casey: "Squeezing. me. too. tight."


Alex: "How'd you like my Dinasaur Roar, Blake?"
Blake: "WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
Casey: "Now you've done it . . ."


How many Yama's can we get in one picture?

(Can anyone tell me why this collage is coming out so blurry? I used Picasa)

I'm so glad you asked

So many of my [four] readers have asked me the same questions that I feel the need to answer them all here as an entirely separate self-aggrandizing post. I am very busy and cannot be bothered to answer all 7 of your questions individually. Plus, it's much cooler to brag about myself to EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET, than to privately and modestly respond to every reader.

1. What kind of Camera do you use?

My brother David gave me a black one. I think the brand name starts with an "L" or something. It has a Flash and a Lens Cap and a bunch of buttons I don't know how to use. Sometimes I also use the one that came with my phone.

2. Your seem like such a great parent. What is your secret?

Thanks! I AM a great parent. I have all the answers and only share stories of my children misbehaving to make my blog more relatable. My secret is that I sew all my family's clothes. Out of hemp and flaxseed.

3. Do people ask you about your kids in public? How do you respond to all the annoying comments about twins?

I am ungrateful for my four healthy and beautiful children so I respond to strangers' compliments with sarcastic remarks that make my kids seem like a burden. And I sound like Mother Theresa for caring for children I chose to conceive. Most of my comments include variations of cheesy twin clichés like "double the trouble."

4. I loved that beautiful patterned shirt you wear in several posts. Where can I get one?

Thanks! It's from a famous designer and I spent a ton of money on it.

5. How do you find the time to feed your family nutritious, homemade meals?

I don't.

6. Will you do a post on disposable diapering?

Sure--I'll do it right now. Buy diapers at store. Put them on baby. Throw the used ones into the landfill. Repeat as needed.

7. Chemicals--shouldn't we be worried about them?

No. What are you--Amish? Chemicals make our food taste better, help us live longer, and are just plain fun. Don't be a buzzkill.

Fairy and Pirate Camp

Alex and Sasha had their first dance experience this week at "Fairy and Pirate Dance Camp." The instructor was their beloved preschool teacher from last year and they had a fabulous time with all their friends. On the last day, there was a small recital where they performed a dance in little tutus. Nu was OK with Alex taking dance, especially with the very manly Pirate theme. But in the end, Alex wanted to be like all the other (girl) campers and we got these hilarious pics and videos. Someday, he will forgive me but I can't resist sharing them:

Pain is for Suckers

This post is dedicated to Benanna who are expecting a Chaquita Benanna in October!

I didn't blog a lot about pregnancy. The first pregnancy was pre-StalkingDebo and the 2nd pregnancy was so weird with all the twins. I drafted a few posts but just couldn't finish anything.

For posterity, I'm going to post a few random stories from my pregnancies. Some things are just too weird or funny to be forgotten.

Twins have a greater chance of being born via C-section but if you spend 10 seconds on Google, you can find lots of ways to bring two babies into the world. Hospital, Birthing Center, Home Birth, Mountaintop labor, you can find it all. In my 1st pregnancy, Sasha was footling breach from about week 28. She was as spread out as much as possible taking up 2/3 of my belly while little Alex was tucked into a ball in the corner. It took MONTHS for him to extend his legs after he was born.

But by the time we needed to take a childbirth class, Nu and I weren't sure of my childbirth fate. I thought a C-section was likely but my Dr. didn't want to make any decisions until week 35. So we went though the motions and enrolled in a Labor Orientation class. We had a wonderful teacher who was so knowledgeable about how babies are born. They covered every part of labor--even C-sections--and provided info about newborn babies as well.

HOWEVER, we did not fit in very well with the rest of our classmates. Our first clue came within the first 10 minutes of class. Everyone went around the room and shared their goals for their childbirth. Goals? How about healthy babies? Isn't that the point of this whole drama? Apparently no. Some masochists actually think the goal of pregnancy is the childbirth experience. And their wives agree with them.

Some want to experience the PAIN, the SUFFERING, the INCONTINENCE and they don't want so much as an aspirin to get in their way. There were about 15 couples in our class and each went around the room sharing their goals:

natural
little intervention
simple
no meds!
breathing
granola
hippie
Preferably while singing "Kum Ba Ya"

When it was my turn, I wanted to say, "I don't want to feel anything. I
actually want an epidural right now." but I felt pressured and self-conscious of
my radical pain management ideas and muttered something like, "I want the least
traumatic experience possible."

At this point, I should say that this is America and everyone has a right to their own childbirth experience. Do I think women should be able to choose how they give birth? Absolutely. Do I understand chilbirth without meds? Not really.

So.

Nu and I continued to attend this class week after week learning important things about breathing and pushing and transition and placentas, etc. I think the class was most helpful for Nu. Not until you have your first pregnancy do you realize how little guys know about
how babies are made. At one point during the pregnancy, I briefly convinced him
that the baby's body parts were floating around independent of each other until
they popped onto the body like Mr. Potato Head.

But when we weren't learning about the birthing process, we were practicing breathing and talking about pain management. With a Frosty always in hand (love the Wendy's at the
hospital), I went through the motions just in case I had to give birth in a
stalled elevator or something. The best part was when we clipped clothespins to
our ears to simulate breathing through the pain. We just squealed "ouch! ouch!
ouch!" until stern looks from our classmates shamed us into taking them off.

We experiemented with a variety of birthing positions--the exercise
ball, pillows, leaning on a chair, etc. I determined that these exercises were
way too hard to do pregnant and usually ended sipping my frosty while leaning
against the back wall. Naoshi just kept txting on his phone while asking "guy"
questions:

Will the hospital TV have cable?

Do I (Nu) have to spend the night?

If you're getting an epidural, why do we have to learn about breathing?

Ew gross!!! Is that the baby's head!!???

Is it ok if I play soccer next Thursday?

If nothing else, Childbirth Class convinced me that "Traditional Methods" were not for me. As soon as allowed, I scheduled my appointment for a Friday in the OR and never looked back. Three years and two weeks later, we did it all again and it was even more fun the 2nd time.

December 2, 2005

December 12, 2008

Who's really the adult here?

Now that they are three, Alex and Sasha have a fairly good grasp of the English Language, a pretty good grip on important Japanese phrases, and the standard "Dora & Diego" vocabulary of . . .

Ayudame (help me)

Abajo (something involving Diego and him ever-swimming downward)

Vamanos (let's go)

Arriba (up or let's go--something usually said to motivate Boots)

. . . and some other words that cartoon children need to communicate with their animal friends.

Still, though, were are astounded by how quickly their vocabulary and syntax improves every day. Usually their impressive phrases are directed as imperial commands toward each other or us. Here are the latest:

A: That's not a whale, that's an ORCA. That's not a monkey, that's a LEMUR.

S: (At the store) Wait a second mommy. I really need to pick out a new book. Wouldn't it be nice if we bought a princess book?

A: Sasha, these pajamas are too tight. Let's take them off but not tell mommy and daddy [who are listening in the next room]

S: I WAS NOT TALKING TO YOU! I WAS TALKING TO ALEX!

A: I listened at school today! [teacher] said I listened very well! Yeah!! I did not bite anyone! Can I have a cookie?

S: Baba [grandma], I need you to buy me ballet stuff. So I can dance. And I need to go to dance class. Actually (long dramatic pause) my doll Lani would like to dance too.

A: Can my cow get boots for the snow? His feet will be cold.
[Side note: Cow is a disembodied Giraffe head attached to a ratty blanket. He has no appendages--feet or otherwise]

S and A: [Yelled at full volume at 7am] I'M AWAKE! I'M ALL DONE SLEEPING! I HAVE MY UNDIES ON!!!!!!! I WANT TO EAT BREAKFAST!!!! WAKE UP, DADDY!!!!!

A: [In response to a question like, "Where are your pants?" or "Did you drink the bubble soap?"] I have no 'deas. Nope. No 'deas.

In addition, Sasha has a bloodcurdling scream that drives us bananas. The noise she makes sounds like a Freight Train screeching to a halt and melts my brain. The kicker is that she uses it for the smallest of injustices. If Alex was to try on her pink sandals, if she can't get her princess dress on fast enough, if she has three crackers instead of four--she lets loose this unearthly noise. We now have a house rule that she gets timeout for this scream WITHOUT QUESTION unless she is, in fact, being eaten by a Killer Crocodile. In that case, we will hear her side first.

I do not like

Pimento cheese.

Little stick figure pictures of families stuck to the window of peoples' cars.

The Food Network or any other Cooking Show. More interesting channels include: The TV Guide Channel, Book TV, and the blank screen that says "You don't pay for this premium channel."

People doing things the hard way/long way/stupid way and then complain about how long, difficult and stupid their task was.

People who should be napping but instead are SCREAMING.

When the TIVO programming guide is wrong and it records the wrong show.

When I have to dig through the dirty laundry to find not-too-dirty pants for the kids to wear.

Political Pundits. So. Much. Yelling.

That the recycling people follow secret cardboard collection rules and take or leave my cardboard at the curb using a different mysterious criteria every week.

That my kids cannot come home from a playground without a pile of sand in each of their shoes.

That clean laundry doesn't fold itself on the floor of my bedroom.

That I always have essays to grade.

That Casey and Blake will someday eat solid food. The mess. The stains. The screaming between spoonfuls.

That I am going to have to diet and exercise a lot to lose the baby weight. Again.

That I can't stay awake to read an entire chapter of a book before bedtime.

That I can't keep my babies little forever.

Sigh.

You say it's your birthday . . .

It's not anybody's birthday at our house, but have been invited to some awesome throwdowns at various Bouncy-Gym-Zoo-Kid places this month. A&S LIVE for these parties. It's all they talk about for a week before and after. In fact, if your preschooler is planning a party and needs some extra guests to round out your numbers and liven up the crowd. CALL US. We will come and bring you a gift. And only the birthday child will be more enthusiastic than our children.

Here's some snippets of conversation Pre and Post Party today. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sasha: "Mama, is it the right day for Becca's party?"
Alex: "We're going to BOUNCE!!!! HIGH!!!!! [Jumps up and down for effect]"
S: "Wheeeeeee! I'm so excited!!!!! Will there be presents?"
Mom: "Yes, but this is Becca's special day. Remember, you already had a birthday party and Becca brought you presents. "
S: [Tears, scrunched red face] "But I want presents. It's MY birthday."
Mom: "No. It's Becca's. We are going to be happy for Becca or you are going to sit in the car while Alex bounces."
A: I'M GOING TO BOUNCE!!! AND RUN!!!!! AND BOUNCE!!!! [still jumping around the room]
S: "Noooooooo. I want presents. For my birthdaaaaayyyy!" [tears return]
Mom: [remarkably calm considering this is the 7th time this week we've had this conversation] "Sasha, can you keep it together and be happy for your friend? You need to be happy for her or wait in the car. Which do you want?"
A: "I'M GOING TO JUMP AND JUMP AND BOUNCE AND EAT CAKE! CAN I EAT CAKE?"
S: [sniffling and holding on by the thinnest of threads] "O. K. but at my birthday party I want presents. Princess presents. Pink Princess Presents. "
Mom: "Yes. In 10 months, you will get presents again."
A: "BOUNCY, BOUNCY, BOUNCE!!!!!!!!!! LETS GO BOUNCE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!