Monday, June 30, 2008

Dancing Matt

I saw this video (courtesy of Sherry who is allegedly studying for the Bar Exam, but is actually forwarding videos to her friends) and thought it was really fun to watch. But mostly, it reminded me of how many places in the world I have not been. Nu and I have traveled a decent amount (separately and together) but with the kids we get out of the country a little less.

It turns out that all I need is corporate sponsorship to travel the planet! This guy got a gum company to pay him to travel the world not once, but TWICE. And--I'm guessing--all the gum he wants. He's living my dream (only with more TMJ).

Check out the video:

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Here's his website:

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Fortune Cookie Torture

So we went to PF Chang's tonight so I could eat my fave entree--Crispy Honey Chicken. The kids were pretty well behaved and loved their Chicken Lo Mein. Wisely, Nu told both of them that they would only get to eat the fortune cookie at the end of the meal if they did not throw any food.

Sasha was OK with this, but Alex had a hard time. He was born with an intense need to test food aerodynamics. At 2.5, he no longer drops a lot of food, but sometimes has to throw a piece or two at the end of the meal just to see them fly through the air. He really wanted a cookie, but couldn't resist launching a few Noodles from his plate onto the floor. (In his defense, noodles do have an interesting flight pattern)

At the end of the meal, we explained again why only Sasha would get the cookie and Alex's little face crumpled into utter despair. "I want a cookie! Mamma, please! PLEASE!" Sasha sat in her carseat double-fisting fortune cookies and went to work torturing her brother.

A: (looking at Sasha) I want to cookie!
S: MMMMM. . . cookie yummy. See, Awex? Yummy cookie.
A: (face crumpled and voice wobbly) Shasha, I want a cookie. Please. PLEASE!
S: No cookie, Awex. Throw food on the floor. Daddy say NO! No throw food on floor.
A: I want a coooooookkkieeeeeeee. (Sobbing, screeching, etc.)
S: (smugly) No cookie, Awex. MMMMM. Yummy. See it? (holds cookie in front of his nose) Nice cookie.

Where does she get such a devious little nature??

Things I will never do . . .

Dress Alex in velvet knickers--even if it's for an expensive, Victorian portrait session to be displayed at the mall.

Attempt any kind of extended Cleanse/Detox/Organic/Vegan diet. I can only survive 6 hours without sugar and cheese. Also, I think Oprah's friends and associates should run for the hills until she's done with hers. Severely deprived people can be psycho.

Partake in any clothing (or undergarment) with clear straps. YOU CAN STILL SEE THEM!!!!!

Go to a movie without ordering a Medium Popcorn (with butter), Diet Coke, and candy.

Put a magnetic soccer ball decal on the back of my car. The mini-van is a statement all its own.

Wear a scrunchie in my hair (ever again).

Cook a veggie/turkey/tofu burger for myself. I don't care what anyone says, they are NOT real burgers.

Eat quinoa--whatever that is--even though FitSugar says it's the new cool vegetable. I say: there's no such thing.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Debbie Downer

The skit from SNL is passably funny, but watching the cast members deteriorate on live TV is what made me laugh till I cried.

Also, E is very worried about the statistics on Feline Aids. Can someone confirm this?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Shark Attack: It's a REAL DANGER!

Some like to mock me and my "safety-first" attitude toward the Great Blue Sea. Read this and you'll see that YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF SHARKS TOO!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

"Hey Daisy!"

Last weekend, Benanna invited us to join them at their fabulous beach house with their dog, Daisy. Alex and Sasha in tow, we had a relaxing weekend in the sand and sun. The kids were particularly fond of Daisy and by Sunday, she was exhausted from running away from them.

One of the cruel ironies of parenthood is vacation with toddlers. We are so excited to play with them in the sand and collect sea shells, but there are some drawbacks that must be considered.

1. They wake up early on vacay. From 6-8am, they are like crazed, demented monkeys running, shouting, and demanding a 4-course breakfast to their specifications.

2. They never allow me to read my gossip magazines on the beach. Instead, I am constantly rescuing them from running into the ocean, throwing sand at each other, fighting over the much coveted "Red Shovel."

3. Sunscreen application for two squirmy people is precarious. I have to apply it evenly but not get it in their eyes and I have only one minute of stand-still time to do it. Reapplication is even worse--sand everywhere! everywhere!

4. I realize I've become my mom when I demand my kids to strip naked so I can spray them mercilessly with cold water from a garden hose before we go inside. I am still haunted by the screams.

5. The only TV I watch involves three baby animals named Ming-Ming, Tuck, and Lenny

Despite the hardships, we still experienced some funny moments.

1. Alex followed Daisy all day demanding, "L1ck my toes! L1ck my toes!"

2. Against my advice, Sasha insisted on taking her pants off during our first beach outing.

3. Before asking for Mommy and Daddy in the morning, the kids awoke both days asking for Daisy.

4. Both kids impressed Benanna with their Adult Language (learned from Daddy, by the way).

5. Anna and Debo had fun with Alex by removing the batteries from the ridiculously loud tractor toy. "No Alex, it's not broken. The tractor is supposed to be a QUIET toy."

6. Post bedtime drinks on the porch--such fun!!!!

Alex talks a big game, but is actually afraid of the ocean. Here he is running away from the tide.

"Why again was it a good idea to take off our pants?"

This is the best sand castle EVER!

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