Saturday, April 26, 2008

China continues to revolve around David A

Check out this new post on David A's recently revived blog. It's humorous, but what I find most striking is this news:

The Chinese Government has engineered the Olympic Torch tour so that it runs by David's apartment. Of course they have. One quarter of the world's population lives in that country and they've chosen some white guy's building for the Torch Parade.
o. m. g.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I am SO "A-Listy"

I don't consider The Hills to be a guilty pleasure because I don't feel guilty about it. I like to watch it and discuss it with my friends--most of whom are not between the target demographic of 15-19. I dedicate this post to Ben (of benanna fame) because he dares to DISDAIN those who wish to be culturally relevant.

I noticed this article online and found it worth sharing. Apparently, Heidi was invited to the White House Correspondence dinner (!) and declined through her puppet-master/boyfriend Spencer. Spencer was not offered 1st class tickets to accompany his tupperware girlfriend to the event. In his statement, he said the Correspondence Dinner was "not A-Listy" enough. My goal is to use that word in a sentence everyday this week. Who's with me?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Meet Shashi-Mi

For the kids' birthday awhile back, I wanted to get a doll for Sasha. I found it at KMart while shopping for Christmas lights (why else would I be there?). Amid the poorly organized shelves and actively hostile employees, I spotted her. . .

The doll's name is Shashi-Mi which is remarkably close to the nickname I use for my own little "Sashimi." Most impressive was the doll was Asian-looking, but with light eyes. Just like Sasha!

I have decided that we can overlook the punk look for the doll, but it's hard to miss the crop-top, the gold streaks in the hair, and the weird CRAB BRACELET. WTF?

The weirdest part about the Shashi-mi (even crazier than the orange crustacean accessory) is her choice to wear a diaper AND panties under her wrap-around shorts. Shashi-Mi is supplied to the BigK by a Spanish company so I can only assume that parents in Spain love baby undergarments.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Beach and Wine

So I went to the beach with some friends and Nu braved the homefront alone for the weekend.

Highlights for Debo:
1. Bucket O' Margaritas
2. Sunbathing while drinking said Margaritas and reading about Beyonce's secret wedding
3. Fun restaurants with Pirate names along the lines of "Walk the Plank" or "Aargh ye maties"
4. Lots of junk food--cookies for breakfast!
5. Waking up without anyone yelling, "ALEX HAS POOP! ON HIS HANDS! HE'S EATING IT! HE'S EATING HIS POOP!!!!!!!"

Highlights for Nu:
1. Alex throwing rocks at Weaver Street
2. Kids baptizing stuffed animals in the toilet (they're very spiritual, you know)
3. Sasha hitting herself in the face when she doesn't get her way
4. Alex taking a dump on the living room floor and then somehow getting it on the family laptop
5. Nu mailing the kids back to "their homeland" in frustration

I think it was a fair trade-off, don't you?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Talking Backpacks and Singing Maps

"Hero, leader, problem solver"
Jimmy Carter?
Madeline Albright?
Billy Graham?

This morning, I was shocked to find that these words describe Dora the Explora.

As I am getting ready for work early in the am, I turn on NPR to get my daily dose of SERIOUS news. NPR and Makeup Application is part of my morning ritual. On a good day, I get up in time for Market Watch Morning Report and then follow it up with about 30 minutes of:

Middle East, Election, Middle East, Global Warming Alarmism, War in Iraq, Random local news, Midde East, etc.
(sometimes they switch-up the order for fun)

This morning, I'm applying my mascara when I hear the chilling musical intro:

"Dora, Dora, Dora the exPLORER!!!!! Who's that super-cool Exploradora?"

Aaahhhhh! Is there no escape!!!!???

The story goes on to explain the groundbreaking nature of a cartoon with a Latina tomboy and how kids learn great skills, and whatever, whatever, I've already forgotten. NPR can be quite random at times, but they're really running out of news when they can spend 7+ minutes on a little girl who has THE WORST BOWL CUT I'VE EVER SEEN.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Quotes from the Office

(I'm a little behind in my Tivo watching)

"This wine has an oakey afterbirth"--Michael to dinner party

"You can get new stuff, but you can't get a new party"--Pam to Jim as he tries to make a break for it.

"You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person"--Michael to Jan

"That is a $200 TV you just killed"--Michael to Jan

Boycott Racism

I've disliked the Showgram for years. The host is a racist, misogynist, mean-spirited jerk and he pulls a stunt like this every few years. He says something awful about a person or group and Clear Channel suspends him for three days and he's back on the air. I'm writing G105 and Clear Channel a letter that says . . .

their host is a jerk
in any other job his ass would be FIRED 10 years ago
I am not listening to their station (at any time of day) until he's gone

We've reprogrammed our stations in the car. Even if I have to listen to K-Love--not quite that desperate yet--I'm no longer listening to G105.

Things that should Go Without Saying

(Alex and Sasha Version, Seen above with their aunt "E")

10. Don't take broken, raw eggs out of the garbage can and try to eat them then throw them on the floor
8. Don't throw heavy objects at your sister, the window, Daddy's beloved Flat-Screen TV.
7. Don't put sand in your sister's ears on the playground.
6. Don't poop on Daddy's golf shoes.
5. Don't kiss random little boys at Sunday School (this one's just for Alex).
4. Don't put strawberries in your underwear during lunch.
3. Don't bite your classmates when they don't share their teddy grahams.
2. Don't prank-text Mommy's friends with her cell phone (just for Sasha)
1. Don't splash in the public toilet in the Mall Restroom!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Free Tibet

My brother, David A, lives in China. He should have his own blog of his various exploits around the globe. Each of his stories contain a few common elements:

1. He travels somewhere exotic like Myanmar or Mongolia.
2 He loses his camera, passport, jacket, and 2-3 pieces of luggage
3. A kind stranger helps find his belongings and invites him to dinner
4. He gets upgraded to 1st class on his way home.

David tells me that Blogspot is blocked in China because of controversial content. Free Tibet. Apparently the Chinese government monitors web content closely (Free Tibet) and will block internet access if he's found to be accessing objectionable sites. I love Richard Gere. Free Tibet. Free Tibet. Free Tibet.

I think David's luck is about to change.

Mamma Mia!

OK, I saw this musical on Broadway and thought it was fun but not amazing. However, while watching Dancing With the Stars (don't knock it until you've tried the Paso Doble) I saw the trailer for the movie version.

It looks really good! Watch the trailer and see if you can guess why I am SO excited to see this movie.

Top Five Reason for Debo to see Mamma Mia:

5. Movie popcorn--smothered in synthetic butter, washed down by a bucket of Diet Coke (negating the calories from the popcorn)
4. Colin Firth--Yummy Mr. Darcy
3. Pierce Brosnan--Yummy Mr. Bond
2. ABBA songs in my head for weeks!
1. If Meryl's in, it must be quality.

PS. Dad is a huge ABBA fan. Be sure to ask him about the movie next time you see him.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I stand corrected

So I'm telling my students my sad, sad Spring Break story today. After a very dramatic retelling, I say "Now I defy any of you to tell a more pathetic Spring Break story." A senior in the back row raises her hand and says,

"During Spring Break, I went to jail for felony possession of stolen goods."

I hate to admit it, but she's got me beat.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Election Corner pt. 2

Also, check out these videos from SNL brought to you by SammieMac's mom:

Tina Fey on Hillary Clinton:

Tracy Morgan on Barak Obama:

Debo's Election Corner

Those of you who know me are aware I am a teeny bit obsessed with elections. I am not very partisan, but I really enjoy the process of voting. I try to vote everytime there is an opportunity even when I am the only person who votes in my precinct that day. My students think I am an "election nerd" and my husband rolls his eyes whenever the subject comes up.

On this blog, I will periodically highlight funny and interesting election articles and events. If you find anything I should be sharing with the world (because the whole world reads the blog), please forward it to me.

Here's my first article brought to you by a parent blog, Daddytypes. I love daddytypes even though I'm not actually a daddy type.

Also, I promise that all my election stories will not be child-related. I'm trying really hard not to become "that mom."

Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Gospel of Juice

The kids love church. They talk about it during the week. They clap and squeal when we drive near it. They have to be coaxed back to the car when it's all over. Why do they love it so? Is it the spiritual nourishment they receive? The fellowship with other spiritually-minded toddlers? No. It is the juice and snacks. When we ask them about what they did at church, they immediately reply, "I ate cwackers. I drank JUICE!!!!"

In the 70's, I can only imagine that the American Academy of Pediatrics was sponsored by Welch's. I drank Juice all day, every day, including at every church event. The only snack invented during that era was Apple Juice and Graham Crackers. At Sunday School, at VBS, at Junior Church (lame Sunday School during the summer), they would break out the Apple Juice right after the felt-board lesson where Caucasian Disciples taught us why it was wrong to bear false witness. Did anyone else ever notice that the Old Testament prophets were the same as the New Testament disciples, but with different colored tunics?

Flash forward to 2008 and you will find that pediatricians have fallen out of love with Juice. During the Q & A checklist at the beginning of regular appointments, they ask "Do they drink any juice?". This question comes right before, "Do they play with knives?" and right after "Do you beat them with sticks?" It seems clear that the only right answer is "Hell No! What kind of degenerate parent would let their kids drink Juice! Crazy talk!" I actually feel pressured to lie about the kids' juice consumption even though they only drink it at church. That's messed up.

I don't mind that they drink juice at church, but it's interesting how that tradition has held fast through the ages. Like the Laura Ashley dresses, Juice remains a constant in the lives of young worshipers. I think its part of brilliant marketing synergy between the Children's Ministry and the Juice Industrial Complex. Children equate salvation with juice. No juice. No heaven.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Alex and Sasha Sing the Hits

At the end of their nap today, I overheard the kids conversing in their room.

A: "How 'bout this one? A, B C. D . . ."
S: "No! How 'bout this one? Istsy, bitsy, spidah went up the watah spout"
A: "NO! How 'bout THIS one? Old MacDonald had a DENTIST"
S: "Ee-eye-ee-eye-oooooh"

In their defense, they did sing each song in tune--kind of.

Spring Break Sucks!

So my Spring Break was supposed to be a relaxing time where I didn't do any work and relaxed with my family and friends. Here's a brief rundown (for a quick-and-dirty take check out my twitter).

Friday--Bomb threat at school starts Spring Break with some much-needed excitement (dare I say, A Bang?). We all enjoy the sunshine in the Football Stadium while the police hunt down some idiot sophomore who forgot to finish his English essay.

Saturday--Monsoons, not indigenous to the Carolinas, lay waste to my weekend fun. Kids inside--no fun to be had.

Sunday--More rain, called to sub in the church toddler room, a nice afternoon movie with my friend Mandy. Maybe Spring Break will be fun after all!?

Monday--Rain! We had to cancel a playdate, but that's ok. We need to get ready for our weekend Beach Trip! (Cue ominous music here . . .)

Tuesday--We meet some friends for coffee in the morning. Alex does not take use of the facilities when given the opportunity and instead pees in his pants in the car. We follow-up with an inside playdate with friends that ends with Sasha whining and Alex popping our friend's beloved balloon on purpose. Sasha wakes up from her afternoon nap with a fever. So sad.

Wednesday--Sasha can't go to school, so we're going to get some girl time while Alex gets all the preschool babes to himself. I have to cancel my hair appointment, but that's ok--Mommy and Sasha time is always fun. Plus, it's so much easier running errands with one child instead of two.

Approximately 10 minutes before leaving for school, Alex says, "My tummy hurts" and pukes all over the kitchen. I make the heartbreaking decision to cancel our vacay plans. Alex is our early warning system. If he's sick on a Wednesday, Naoshi and/or I will also be sick by Thursday.

I think the puking has ended and drag our sorry asses to Target for some much needed supplies (carpet cleaner, for one). Alex pukes in the Cereal Aisle and Sasha cries "Awex threw up on my pink shoes. MY PINK SHOOOOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shopping trip ends in humiliation as we tell the manager he now has to disinfect the cart because Alex defiled it. Also, we smell like puke the rest of the day.

By that afternoon, I'm sick too. I beg Nu to come home early to help me, but he's already got the bug. The whole family goes to bed at 7pm.

Thursday--We call our families for moral support and they all make it clear they're not getting within 100 yards of us because we are diseased and gross. I don't blame them. We stay inside and watch Dora the Explora where our kids are transfixed by a little girl who yells in Spanish to inanimate objects who sing (ask me later about the "backpack" song).

Friday--Nu goes back to work and the kids are well enough to run errands and go to their own version of Disneyland--CHIK FIWAAAAY. We eat nuggets with our friends Jennifer and Andrew and feel a little bit better about our week.

Friday night, my parents de-quarantine us and graciously offer to babysit. We have a nice dinner out and meet Benanna for drinks. So much better!

Saturday--The Governor's Office of Drought Overreaction (directed by Debo) declares that 7 days of continuous rain over Spring Break officially ends the drought. Everyone can now flush their toilets as often as they wish.

Let the cyber-stalking begin

I'm tired of waiting for my friends to update their blogs. I've been using Twitter for a few weeks to test my blogging skills and have decided that even if I only blog a sentence or two--it's important for others to be able to stalk me freely.

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